Authentic Parenting

 

Who will your children be?

In my parenting career, I made many mistakes. I could enumerate them here, but I am sure it would be a lot faster just to refer you to the list my daughter kept. I’m sure she keeps it close at hand – just in case I need reminding. My sons may have their own lists but they probably can’t find them. (Just a joke, guys!)

I do have a few excuses for my errors. When I married my darling husband, he came with a family ready-made. Since I was a very young bride (my husband always says he married me before I was born. (Isn’t he sweet?) I didn’t know too much about mothering. Sure, I was the oldest of six and had had practical experience with changing diapers and washing faces, but I had little practice in the more important aspects of parenting, such as comforting hurt feelings, encouraging exploration, or listening to dreams. 

By the time my daughter joined the family, I was a bit more experienced but just realizing what a big responsibility parenting actually was. I still made many mistakes (see list – probably available on social media). I am sure I didn’t listen closely enough, pay enough attention to the really important things, and had many more requirements than were welcome (Note: piano lessons and cleaning room).  

I freely admit that I was not the parent of my children’s dreams. I am not exactly sure who that might be, but I am sure that no actual children have ever been attached to them. There are no model parents -- just as there are no model children.  Thankfully, my children grew up to be wonderful people, and they are now wonderful parents. I think this is because of one thing my husband and I did right.  Even while we made mistakes, we remained authentic.

What is an authentic parent? One who models the person she wants her child to grow up to be. If you want your children to be responsible, caring, hard-working, kind, and trustworthy, be responsible, caring, hard-working, kind, and trustworthy. Children always learn more from your actions than from your words. 

Our children saw us work through hard times while holding the family together. They saw us losing loved ones and going on. They saw us sharing our blessings and mourning our sorrows. They understood that, while life was not a bed of roses, the scent is never lost when you hold onto faith, hope and love. 

Decide who you want your child to be, then be that person. This is really the only type of model parent you can be for your children. If you want children to be polite, be polite. If you want your children to value education, value education. If you want your children to call you when they move away, call your own parents. If you want them to work to better the world, work to better the world.  

Model making good choices. Model loving your spouse. Model loving your kids. Be authentic. Set the example. Be the best person you can be, and hope that your children will follow your lead. They may still keep a list of your mistakes, but they will be happy to shred it in the light of the model you have set. Mistakes fade in the light of love. 

Day Twenty-five: The Christmas Rose

 

The Christmas Rose

An Advent Story Calendar

Day Twenty-five

For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him should not perish but have everlasting life.   John 3:16 KJV

While Joe rummaged through his music collection, Dora went back to look at the Christmas rose. “I can see the pink!” she said. “I know it will bloom on Christmas Eve.”

Joy bloomed in the greenhouse as Joe joined Dora by the miraculous rose. His Darling Rose lived in his heart with his new rose, Dora. He thanked God for the legend of a small girl who gave a miraculous gift to a newborn King and the small girl who stood beside him. Music filled the greenhouse and miracles filled Joe’s heart. He knew what he would name his rose when it bloomed.

Gesu Bambino 

When blossoms flowered ‘mid the snow

Upon a winter’s night

Was born a child

The Christmas Rose

The King of love and light.

The angels sang, the shepherds sang,

The grateful earth rejoiced

And at his blessed birth the stars

Their exultation voiced!

O, come let us adore Him

O, come let us adore Him

O, come let us adore Him

Christ the Lord.

(Pietro Yon 1917)

Rose History: The Christmas Rose is the only true flower that blooms in winter. It represents the purity of Mary and Jesus. The Christmas Rose is often carved into altars and embroidered on vestments. Its message of peace and hope symbolizes the Savior who brought us peace and hope.

Prayer: Holy Savior, thank you for bringing peace and hope into a dark world. Amen

Day Twenty-four: The Christmas Rose

 

The Christmas Rose

An Advent Story Calendar

Day Twenty-four

Mary’s fiancé Joseph, from Nazareth in Galilee, had to participate in the census in the same way everyone else did. Because he was a descendant of King David, his ancestral city was Bethlehem, David’s birthplace. Mary, who was now late in her pregnancy that the messenger Gabriel had predicted, accompanied Joseph. While in Bethlehem, she went into labor and gave birth to her firstborn son. She wrapped the baby in a blanket and laid Him in a feeding trough because the inn had no room for them.  Luke 2:4-7

Dora began, “Last week after our Arctic Animal reports, my teacher let me push the cart back to the library. I used my regular muscles for that. When I got to the library, there was a display of new books. One of the books was The Christmas Rose!”

“Honestly?” asked Joe. 

“Yes! I took it out and read it over the weekend. It’s the same legend but the name of the shepherd girl isn’t Madelon. You’ll never guess what it is!” She pulled the book from her backpack and held it out to Joe. The beautifully painted cover showed a young girl holding a bouquet of Christmas roses before an infant lying in the straw.*

Dora opened the book and began to read, “Dorothy had three brothers, tall and strong, shepherd giants who guarded their father’s sheep. At least they were giants to her.”* 

Dora stopped. “The shepherd girl’s name is Dorothy!”

Joe chuckled, “That’s almost your name!”

“That is my name! My name is Dorothy but my family calls me Dora because my grandmother is Dorothy too.”

Joe sat up straight. “Dorothy was my wife’s, my Darling Rose’s, name too!”

“It says in the book that Dorothy means gift from God,” Dora said.

“So true!” said Joe. “My Darling Rose was a gift from God and so are you.”

“So Madelon gave the gift of roses to the baby when she was already a gift.”

“And the baby Jesus was a gift to us all,” said Joe. “Now let me play you the special song.”

Rose History: Legends, songs, and poems written about the beauty of roses remind us of the love they represent. The 30,000 varieties of roses in the world represent of the variety in God’s love.

Rose Hues: The Peace Rose, a well-known hybrid, has large flowers of cream and yellow, the edges tinged with pink. It was named Peace to commemorate the end of World War II.

Prayer: Father of all, bring us together in peace. Amen

*(The Legend of the Christmas Rose by William Hooks. Paintings by Richard A. Williams 1999)

Day Twenty-three: The Christmas Rose

 The Christmas Rose

An Advent Story Calendar

Day Twenty-three

Then, the root of Jesse will emerge—
He rises to rule all the peoples of the world
    who come to Him for guidance and direction.
In Him they place their hope.

Romans 8:12

Joe’s daughter arrived on Saturday, tidied up the house and Joe cooked a few more meals, and left on Sunday morning. After Sunday school and church, Dora knocked on the greenhouse door. Joe was hobbling around feeding the roses and listening to another of his favorite pieces, A Spotless Rose by Herbert Howels.

A spotless Rose is blowing Sprung from a tender root,

Of ancient seers' foreshowing, Of Jesse promised fruit; Its fairest bud unfolds to light Amid the cold, cold winter And in the dark midnight. 

Quickly closing the door behind her, Dora hurried over to check on the Christmas Rose. 

“The buds look ready to open!” Dora cried. “I’m sure it will bloom for Christmas.”

Joe looked at the gray clouds hanging over the greenhouse. “I think we will have snow too.”

“Snow and roses for Christmas! Just like in the story. Now, all we need is a star, some angels, some shepherds, kings with gifts, Mary and Joseph, and a laughing baby in a manger,” Dora said.

“We still have the songs of the angels, the light of the star, and the joy of that baby,” Joe said.

“And we have the story of Madelon. Can we finish it today?”

Joe settled into his chair. “We sure can.”

The baby in the manger looked at the roses blooming on Madelon’s cheeks and laughed. His mother laughed. His father laughed. Madelon, in the light of the star, in the warmth of the stable, in the echo of the angel’s song, in the reflection of the rose’s hue and the tickle of the baby’s smile, laughed with joy. Good news had come to earth with the laughter of a child. 

    Madelon would carry it in her heart just as her arms had carried the roses that bloomed in the snow.

Even today, the Christmas Rose blooms in the cold and snow, reminding us of the miracle of a child born bringing hope, joy, and beauty to the world — the Prince of Love and Light.

The music ended as Joe ended his story. “Now, I have a special song to play for you.”

“Oh!” Dora jumped up. “I almost forgot to tell you what I found in the library!”

Prayer: I pray that God, the source of all hope, will infuse your lives with an abundance of joy and peace in the midst of your faith so that your hope will overflow through the power of the Holy Spirit.  (Romans 8:13) Amen 

Day Twenty-two: The Christmas Rose

 

The Christmas Rose

An Advent Story Calendar

Day Twenty-two

Nor should you worry about clothes. Consider the lilies of the field and how they grow. They do not work or weave or sew, and yet their garments are stunning. Matthew 6:28

Joe’s son arrived early the next morning and insisted that Joe get his wrist and ankle x-rayed. Satisfied that both were only sprained, he plugged the hole in the greenhouse glass, cooked Joe a good lunch, and stored some more meals in the freezer for the coming days. After promising to phone every evening and visit on the weekend, Curt left him cozied up in his chair with a steaming cup of cocoa and some music playing on the stereo, Alexander Borodin’s From My Tears Sprang Flowers, a Russian song based on a poem. Many blooming flowers spring forth from my tears, and my sighing becomes joined with the chorus of the nightingales. Not exactly a Christmas Rose but close. 

Joe was drifting off when the doorbell chimed. Without waiting for Joe to answer, Dora pushed open the door and skipped inside. 

“Mom said not to stay too long today because you have to rest. Do you need any help today?”

“My son fed me and the roses so I am all set,” Joe said.

“I want to hear the end of Madelon’s story but I can wait— just like you are waiting for the Christmas Rose to bloom. Wouldn’t it be great if it bloomed for Christmas?”

“Christmas is just a week away so it could happen. How was your Arctic Animal presentation?”

Dora plopped on the ottoman by Joe’s feet. “It went great! My teacher let me push the cart back to the library. It was easy! And you will never guess what I found in the new book display!”

Joe’s steady breathing became a soft snore. Dora tucked his blankets tighter and tiptoed out the door. Her story and his could wait for another day.

Rose History:  The scent of roses evokes the powerful sweetness of love. Thomas More, an Irish poet and lyricist wrote, You may break, you may shatter the vase, if you will, But the scent of the roses will hang round it still. The scent of God’s love, represented in roses, lingers.

Rose Hues:  The salmon-pink rose named Boscobel has a scent reminiscent of myrrh and pears, elderberries, and almonds. Many roses are known for their distinctive fragrance.

Prayer:  Holy Lord, may the fragrance of your love surround me as I share it with others. Amen

Day Twenty-one: The Christmas Rose

 

The Christmas Rose

An Advent Story Calendar

Day Twenty-one

S ince our gifts vary depending on the grace poured out on each of us, it is important that we exercise the gifts we have been given. If prophecy is your gift, then speak as a prophet according to your proportion of faith. If service is your gift, then serve well. If teaching is your gift, then teach well. If you have been given a voice of encouragement, then use it often. If giving is your gift, then be generous. If leading, then be eager to get started.                                                                                  If sharing God’s mercy, then be cheerful in sharing it.   Romans 12:6-8

Carefully, Dora positioned the shovel under the rose pot and wiggled it onto the floor. Dora then wheeled the pallet over to Joe. Using the shovel as a cane and with Dora’s help, Joe lifted himself onto the pallet and Dora pushed him through the door into the warm kitchen. She grabbed a blanket from the living room couch and wrapped it around Joe’s shoulders. 

“I’m calling 911,” she said. “Just to be sure.”

Shivering, Joe responded, “OK, Doctor Dora. Better to be safe than sorry.”

After the paramedics left, having confirmed that Joe had indeed sprained his wrist and ankle and securing each in a plastic brace, Dora handed Joe a warm cup of cocoa.

“That was quick thinking,” said Joe. “Using the shovel to move the pot to lift me.”

“I knew I wasn’t strong enough to pick you up,” said Dora, “so I used the muscles that don’t show that you told me about.”

Joe sipped his cocoa, “Which muscles did you use.”

“My thinking muscles,” replied Dora. “Now can you use your story-telling muscles to finish the legend of the Christmas Rose?”

Joe sighed, “Maybe tomorrow. All my muscles are aching right now.”

“You told me that you have been waiting for two years for your Christmas Rose to bloom. I guess Madelon and I can wait one more day. I’ll get my brother to fix the hole in the roof. He can plug it with his chewing gum.”

Joe chuckled as he watched Dora return home. Small girls should never be overlooked.

Rose History:  The Virgin Mary is credited with many miracles. In 1531, a Mexican farmer named Juan Diego had a vision of Mary asking him to have a shrine built on Tepeyac Hill. As proof of his vision, Juan found roses blooming in the snow. Juan gathered them in his cloak and presented them to the bishop. When the roses fell out, the image of Mary with roses was imprinted on his cloak. The shrine was built and many miracles have been granted in Mary’s name.

Prayer: God of miracles, help me use the gifts you gave me to share your love. Amen

Day Twenty: The Christmas Rose

 

The Christmas Rose

An Advent Story Calendar

Day Twenty

Mary, don’t be afraid. You have found favor with God. Listen, you are going to become pregnant. You will have a son, and you must name Him “Savior,” or Jesus. Jesus will become the greatest among men. He will be known as the Son of the Highest God. God will give Him the throne of His ancestor David, and He will reign over the covenant family of Jacob forever. Luke 1:30-33

Dropping the key on the carpet in the entranceway, Dora rushed through the kitchen doors into the greenhouse. Feebly, Joe waved a hand in her direction. Dora ran over and knelt beside him.

“Are you OK?” she asked, “What should I do?”

“I fell and landed on my wrist. I think I sprained my ankle too,” said Joe. “When I tried to get up, I couldn’t put my weight on it. Can you get your mother or brothers to help me up?”

“Mom is working late and my brothers are at basketball practice. Mom told me to come straight here today to stay with you. Can you sit up?”

“I can try,” said Joe.  Joe struggled into a sitting position. “I guess I’ll have to wait here for your mother to come home.”

“Should I call 911?” asked Dora.

“No, I think it is just a sprain. It’s awfully cold on this floor though.” 

Dora’s face twisted as she puzzled this out. Glancing around the room for some way to help Joe, her eyes stopped on the big rose pots resting on the pallets on wheels. 

“I’ve got an idea,” she told Joe. “Where’s the shovel you use to plant roses outside?”

“In the shed,” answered Joe, “but you can’t dig me up.” 

“Not dig,” said Dora,“tip.”

Rose History: Roses have long been connected with the Virgin Mary. Mary is called the mystic rose or the rose without thorns. Tradition states that before the entrance of sin into the world, roses in the Garden of Eden had no thorns. Mary’s vital role in God’s plan to redeem humanity connects her with the uncorrupted Garden and the beauty of roses. God created a world without sin and chose Mary to bear the Savior who would conquer sin and death.

Rose Hues: White roses are a symbol of innocence and purity. White roses

in weddings represent the pureness of the bond of love being created in marriage. Mary, pure of heart, carries white roses.

Prayer:  Purify my heart, O, Lord. Fill it with love for you and your children. Amen