Famous Last Words

Once upon a time, there was a little kindergarten child who had some little problems. The teacher called her mother to discuss her concerns. The mother listened, and then said,

Oh no, you must be mistaken. My child would not do that.

The teacher replied that it was indeed her child, but she maintained,

Not my child.

Many more times the teacher called, and every time, the mother said,

          Not my child. My child did not do that. I believe my child. You must be mistaken.

The little girl continued through first, second, third, and on to fifth grade, and every year, when the teacher called, her mother said,

Not my child.

The child progressed in aggression, disrespect, and arrogance. Teachers continued to call. They wanted to help. The mother insisted that her child would not behave in such a way and that any problems must be with the teacher. The principal called -- many times. She wanted to help. The mother repeated,

          Not my child.

Most children come to school eager to learn, polite, and obedient. Most parents want their children to succeed. When teachers call, most parents listen to the concerns and ask,

          How can I help my child?

          What can I do to help you teach my child?

Most children learn what we all learn, that the world is not our bed of roses that we must learn to function harmoniously with those around us and that while we sometimes have to do things another’s way, we sometimes enjoy it and learn from that experience.

Most children.

Most parents.

But a very few parents confuse supporting their children with indulging them. These parents think that the most important quality a child can have is happiness and that if the child is happy, they are being good parents. So when the baby cries, Mommy comes running. When the toddler kicks over the house plant, Mommy cleans them up. When the preschooler wants a toy, Daddy buys it. Junior is placated and quiet, and Mom and Dad are happy. 

Soon, Junior starts wielding his influence in other circles. He wants his way -- here and now. So if his playmates complain, Mommy thinks,

          My child is just too advanced for them.

When other parents demur, Daddy concludes,

          They just don’t understand modern parenting.

When teachers call, they think,

          That teacher must have a problem. My child would not do that.

These parents view the evidence and pass judgment; everyone else must be wrong. So they continue to defend Junior and Junior learns a lesson. What do you think Junior learns?

A child’s most important advocate is certainly his parents. Outside of the family circle, you’d be hard-pressed to find anyone who is more for your child than his teachers. Who else would spend hours planning lessons to interest him? Who would hold his hand, wipe away his tears, listen to his stories and dreams, and try as hard as she can to help him learn to read his favorite book? Who else would have the courage and the integrity to call home to tell a parent that his child needs a little help?

The title of this story is “Famous Last Words.” Do you know what they are? Let’s go back to that first child. The child continues to have difficulties in middle school, and, in middle school, they don’t fool around. So after being suspended several times, she had to appear before the school board with her parent. Her mother insisted,

          Not my child.

The school board concluded that, indeed, it was her child. They took action.

This same mother happened to have another kindergarten child. The teacher called. Mom listened. She said these famous last words and I hope she believed them,

          I made a lot of mistakes with her sister. I don’t want to make the same mistakes with this one. What can I do to help, my daughter? How can I help you teach her?

The teacher helped. When he had to call about a disrespectful or disobedient child, you can be sure that it won’t be this mother taking that call. She’ll hold her head up, smile at her lovely daughter, and be thankful for this time she knows,

          That’s not my child.