Once
upon a time, there was a little kindergarten child who had some little
problems. The teacher called her mother to discuss her concerns. The mother
listened, and then said,
Oh no, you must be mistaken. My child would
not do that.
The
teacher replied that it was indeed her child, but she maintained,
Not my child.
Many
more times the teacher called, and every time, the mother said,
Not my child. My child did not do that. I believe my child. You must be mistaken.
The
little girl continued through first, second, third, and on to fifth grade, and
every year, when the teacher called, her mother said,
Not my child.
The
child progressed in aggression, disrespect, and arrogance. Teachers continued
to call. They wanted to help. The mother insisted that her child would not
behave in such a way and that any problems must be with the teacher. The
principal called -- many times. She wanted to help. The mother repeated,
Not
my child.
Most
children come to school eager to learn, polite, and obedient. Most parents want
their children to succeed. When teachers call, most parents listen to the
concerns and ask,
How
can I help my child?
What
can I do to help you teach my child?
Most
children learn what we all learn, that the world is not our bed of roses that
we must learn to function harmoniously with those around us and that while we
sometimes have to do things another’s way, we sometimes enjoy it and learn from
that experience.
Most
children.
Most
parents.
But a
very few parents confuse supporting their children with indulging them. These
parents think that the most important quality a child can have is happiness and
that if the child is happy, they are being good parents. So when the baby
cries, Mommy comes running. When the toddler kicks over the house plant, Mommy
cleans them up. When the preschooler wants a toy, Daddy buys it. Junior is
placated and quiet, and Mom and Dad are happy.
Soon,
Junior starts wielding his influence in other circles. He wants his way -- here
and now. So if his playmates complain, Mommy thinks,
My
child is just too advanced for them.
When
other parents demur, Daddy concludes,
They
just don’t understand modern parenting.
When
teachers call, they think,
That
teacher must have a problem. My child would not do that.
These
parents view the evidence and pass judgment; everyone else must be wrong. So
they continue to defend Junior and Junior learns a lesson. What do you think
Junior learns?
A
child’s most important advocate is certainly his parents. Outside of the family
circle, you’d be hard-pressed to find anyone who is more for your child than his teachers. Who else would spend hours
planning lessons to interest him? Who would hold his hand, wipe away his tears,
listen to his stories and dreams, and try as hard as she can to help him learn
to read his favorite book? Who else would have the courage and the integrity to
call home to tell a parent that his child needs a little help?
The
title of this story is “Famous Last Words.” Do you know what they are? Let’s go
back to that first child. The child continues to have difficulties in middle
school, and, in middle school, they don’t fool around. So after being suspended
several times, she had to appear before the school board with her parent. Her
mother insisted,
Not
my child.
The
school board concluded that, indeed, it was her child. They took action.
This
same mother happened to have another kindergarten child. The teacher called.
Mom listened. She said these famous last words and I hope she believed them,
I
made a lot of mistakes with her sister. I don’t want to make the same mistakes
with this one. What can I do to help, my daughter? How can I help you teach
her?
The
teacher helped. When he had to call about a disrespectful or disobedient child,
you can be sure that it won’t be this mother taking that call. She’ll hold her
head up, smile at her lovely daughter, and be thankful for this time she knows,
That’s
not my child.
