The Company You Keep

 

The Company You Keep

      I come from a funny family. My father loved to tell jokes. My mother, his best audience, laughed even as we groaned. My siblings are all funny in different ways, ranging from droll to wry to ironic to witty to downright knee-slapping hilarious.  My rating was “audience.” So I was very surprised when during a recent visit, my cousins laughed at all my stories. They rated me “hilarious.” Some of my siblings’ comic genius must have rubbed off on me. 

Do you remember that old bon mot about “the company you keep”?  Parents warn children to choose their friends carefully because others will judge you by the company you keep. The friends you choose will signal to others the person you are. Our friends also influence the person we become.

Anyone you spend time with can change you. If your friends are studious and goal-oriented, you study. If they are party animals, you attend a lot of parties. If they drink, you drink. If your friends are fashion-conscious, your clothes budget inflates. If they hike, you grab a backpack. If they go to church, you learn some hymns. Liberal or conservative? Rock and roll or jazz? Readers or movie buffs, sedentary or active, globe-trotters or armchair travelers, our friends influence our actions and beliefs.

We mold ourselves in the image of our friends so choosing good models is important. If our friends are sarcastic and caustic, we become derisive and critical. If our friends are kind and generous, we open our wallets and hearts. I have often wondered what kind of person I would be if I didn’t have a loving and caring mother and a compassionate and responsible father. 

Mom loved not only us but everyone she met. She modeled her love in her words and deeds. Dad worked through adversity and illness to make sure we had enough and also volunteered in his community and church. Both were grateful for what they had and wanted to share their good fortune with others. Their values rubbed off on us.

I wonder who I might have become if I had chosen a different spouse. His joyful and open spirit supports me and our children in all of our dreams and endeavors. His joy has been passed to our grandchildren who are a joy for us. 

I have been lucky with friends too. My teacher friends love and support me. My church friends stand by me in times of triumph and trial. My hiking friends carry me along the path with laughter and empathy. I hope I have been a good friend to them all.

Our parents were right; the company we keep is important. Our families, spouses, and friends influence who we are. We also influence them. What attitudes, values, and practices are rubbing off on our children? How do our words and actions signal to them the type of people we want them to be? 

My position on the family hilarity tree might be at the bottom but laughter buoys us all. Share the best of yourself with others. Be the company you want others to keep.

In and Out of the Box

 

In and Out of the Box

One of the best parts of spending time with children is getting responses I don’t expect. Before reading a book about snowmen, I asked, “Can anyone tell me how to make a snowman?” Many hands shot up but one child jumped right out of her chair and started rolling imaginary snowballs, piling them up, putting in coal eyes, a carrot nose, and drawing a happy smile. 

She sat down and then jumped up again, “Oh, I forgot the butts!” And then she popped three “butts” down the front of the snowman. Buttons, of course.

We all admired her snowman (good readers can see things others can’t) and then I asked, “Can we add anything else to our snowman to make him more interesting?” I expected to hear a scarf, a hat, sticks for arms, or mittens. Hands shot up. The first answer was, “A tiara!” Followed by a necklace, sunglasses, and heels.

Creativity is not restricted to fiction. After reading a book about bees with my second-grade students, I asked, “Where else might we find information about bees?” I expected the library, an encyclopedia, or the internet. One cutie raised her hands and said, “Well, you could get a comfortable lawn chair and a nice cold glass of lemonade and go sit out in the garden.” Others reminded her to wear her sunglasses and hat.

One cold March day, my class decided to write poems about spring. I expected poems about flowers, kites, or birds. One young man wrote, “Run, spring, run! Run, run, run. Run fast to me!” I could only agree.

Writing similes and metaphors raised the creativity level to high. While mine were limited to “as quick as a wink, and “as happy as a lark,” my students’ ranged from “as fast as my brother eating my ice cream,” to “as happy as a second-grader on a snow day.” Two of my favorites were: “As gray as the shimmer on a dolphin’s fins,” and “Snow, like clouds telling secrets.” After hearing that last one, I had to sit down. 

Even little children are creative. Preschoolers create entire worlds while playing. Stuffed animals have extensive back-stories in the mind of a child. Toy planes fly around the world.  

My three-year grandson sitting in an empty box told me that he was off to sail around the world.  I said, “Bon Voyage!” and explained, “That’s how you say goodbye in French.” 

He waved and shouted, “Binky bonk! That’s goodbye in my language.”

Psychologist and youth development expert Marilyn Price-Mitchell writes that parents and teachers foster creativity “when they encourage children to express themselves through unstructured play, writing, poetry, magic, acting, photography, art, digital media, etc. When adults notice and praise youth for thinking outside the box and taking risks, the imaginations of young people blossom.” 

Inside or outside of the box, children always surprise us when we encourage and praise them. Spend time with children. Listen for unexpected responses. Get ready to smile. 

Boiling Over

 

Boiling Over

A chef friend of mine filled a pasta pot with water and put it on the stove to boil. Distracted by other meal preparations, she didn’t notice when it began to boil. Seeing bubbles, a kitchen helper called out that the water was about to boil over. The experienced chef told him that the pot would not boil over unless there was pasta in it. 

This story reminded me of a classic Italian folktale, Strega Nona, retold and illustrated by Tomie de Paola. Strega Nona (Grandmother Witch) cures the villagers' warts, headaches, and heartaches with her magic potions and loving care. An aging Strega Nona hires Big Anthony (who doesn’t pay attention) to help her with her house and garden. Strega Nona warns Big Anthony (who doesn’t pay attention), “The one thing you must never do, is to touch the pasta pot.”  

Day after day, Big Anthony works and Strega Nona helps the villagers with her magic. One day, Big Anthony hears Strega Nona singing to her pasta pot. Magically, the pot fills with pasta! When it’s full, Strega Nona sings “Enough, enough, pasta pot. I have my pasta nice and hot.” Then she blows three kisses. 

Big Anthony is amazed. He tells the villagers about the magic pot but they don’t believe him. So, when Strega Nona goes to see a friend, he invites them to see for themselves. He remembers the words Strega Nona sang to start the pot boiling, and his friends fill up. When seconds and even thirds are served, Big Anthony repeats the words BUT because he had not paid attention, he does not blow the three kisses. The pot boils over and pasta chases Big Anthony and his friends down into the town. 

These past few years,  our emotional “pots” have been boiling over. Uncertainty, fueled by contradictory and inflammatory news stories and a world unnerved by climate disasters, mass shootings, and a global pandemic, has caused anger to spill over in homes, communities, cyberspace, and nations. Changing or misleading information spreads like wildfire causing emotions to boil over, dividing families and friends 

A pot of plain water will not boil over. Boiling causes water to evaporate. But adding salt or starch (like pasta) will cause an untended pot to boil up and over onto the stove. Our emotional pots have been boiling with worries. Add heat, in the form of uncertainty and fear, and our boiling emotions erupt into anger and hate. 

Luckily for Big Anthony, Strega Nona returns to sing the magic words AND blow the three kisses. The pot stops boiling and “the pasta comes to a halt.” The townspeople want to string up Big Anthony, but Strega Nona says, “The punishment must fit the crime,” She hands Big Anthony a fork. “Start eating.”

Strega Nona’s three kisses, a little bit of love, cause the pot to stop boiling. If instead of adding anger and fear to our world we add a bit of love, will our emotional pots stop boiling? When we pay attention, will we learn the magic of listening to and learning from others? Our troubles may not evaporate but in a world filled with boiling water, adding love will help the magic happen. 

History Revealed

 

                                   History Revealed

While sorting through mountains of memories in my parents’ attic, my siblings and I found many keepsakes and photos which evoked memories, laughter, and tears. We also found records concerning my grandmother’s final illness and death. I was fifteen when she left us and I remembered being told that she had died of lung cancer. The records read otherwise. They revealed a different health history that could directly affect our future. 

Many today decry what they consider “the rewriting” of history. Many consider history static, that is, as once reported now “set in stone.” They argue that historical events and figures should be regarded as admirable or contemptible based on judgments from former days, disregarding new information, revealing information, that might alter the understanding generally accepted in former days. When judged from today’s perspective historical events become more nuanced. “Heroes” and “villains” can be viewed as both people of their times and by current standards. What was acceptable in 1692 (think Salem Witch Trials) was unacceptable by 1792, shameful by 1892, condemned by 1992, and unthinkable in 2092 (let us hope).  

The ancient Greeks believed that a group of gods controlled the movements of the sun, moon, and tides. About 1,000 years ago, people believed that health was related to the state of your soul. About 300 years ago, people believed that witches cast spells that caused livestock to sicken and die and that dunking a witch in a pond would reveal her guilt.  About two hundred years ago, people believed that miasmas (bad air) caused plagues and that ingesting mercury would cure diseases. Bleeding with leeches was also popular. Past nations and cultures have condoned or condemned human sacrifice, child labor, polygamy, slavery, lynching, genocide, eugenics, ethnic cleansing, manifest destiny, pogroms, and denying one group or another the right to vote, to hold a job, to representation in court, to live in adequate housing, to access healthy foods, to attend good schools, or to get affordable health care. 

As human understanding of science and health progresses, old beliefs and practices fall away. As paleontologists unearthed fossils, earth history was revised. Scientists with microscopes discovered that illness is caused by germs not miasmas. Doctors no longer prescribe “bleeding” or ingesting poison as remedies. Slave labor is outlawed. Actions once accepted as solutions are re-identified as problems. Historic events and historical people are viewed through the lens of research and modern thought and reevaluated — sometimes more admirable, sometimes less so.   

Over 2,500 years ago, the Greek philosopher Heraclitus wrote, “Change is the only constant in life.” As life continues, change is constant. History is not rewritten; it is revealed. As we learn more about our past, our understanding and judgments will also change. When history is revealed, we need to pay heed. 

My family’s health history was revealed by once-forgotten records. We have better information for making future decisions. History revealed does not rewrite the past. History revealed rewrites the future. Pay heed.

 

Nicky The Lionheart

 

Nicky the Lionheart

A while ago, a little sweetie arrived at my second-grade classroom door. Well, I can’t really say that he arrived, he more or less was dragged kicking and screaming. The guidance counselor introduced us as she peeled him off his mother’s leg. We guided him gently to a desk and a new friend helped him hang up his jacket and told him where to put his lunch. He sniffled all day. After that beginning, I wondered how he would adjust.

I needn’t have worried. The next morning, he bounced into the room with a big grin. What had changed? 

     “Well, you seem happy today,” I remarked.

     “Yes,” he said, “I had a talk with my mommy last night. I was scared to come to my new school yesterday. My mommy told me that I didn’t need to be scared because she would be with me, right in my heart.” He drifted into the morning classroom chaos happily. 

     “What a wise mom,” I thought thankfully.  

Now this sweetheart was a little boy, and I mean little. He was significantly smaller than his classmates, about the size of a kindergarten kid. But he had a big spirit and wasn’t afraid of a challenge. The heart he shared with his mother filled our classroom with joy.

Isn’t it funny how one spirit can change a place? One Gloomy Gus brings down an entire party. One Harpy Hannah destroys everyone’s confidence. One Happy Camper causes everyone to smile. And even more amazing, a spirit of cheer, despair, or hope can be caught – or taught. This little guy’s mother had taught him not to fear. She modeled fearlessness too. She had also moved to a new place and a new job, and she needed to face the unknown with a smile and confidence.

Now as I mentioned, this student was much smaller than his peers. He was sometimes teased about his short stature or called a “Kindergarten Kid” by the other students.  I worried about him until one day during a reading assessment.

In these reading assessments, students were asked to “cold read” a text. That is they don’t see it beforehand but must read it aloud so that the teacher can assess their fluency. After the reading, the students answer questions as a comprehension check. Today, our text was “The Lion and the Mouse” a fable by Aesop.  

In the fable, a lion catches a mouse. The mouse begs to be set free promising to help the lion out someday. The lion thinks this ludicrous and laughs. How could a mouse help a great lion? But he lets him go and forgets him. Until the day the lion falls into a net and is trapped. The mouse gnaws the rope and the lion is freed.

Our little guy was reading this text.  He got to the part where the mouse frees the lion. He stopped before he read the last line of the fable. He looked me right in the eye and read out confidently, “I may be little but I can do great things!” 

I never worried about him again. In fact, in my heart, I changed his name that day. Forever for me, he will be “Nicky the Lionheart,” the little guy with his mother in his heart who taught me what a great spirit can do. 

Knowing Your Roots

 

Knowing Your Roots

Investigating our genealogical roots has become popular in the past decade. Ancestry websites make following a family tree back centuries easy. Tracing your biological history is as simple as spitting into a tube and putting your DNA in the mail. Researching family history is easy. Understanding it can be hard.

 

The PBS series, Finding Your Roots, hosted by Henry Louis Gates, Jr, explores the family history of celebrities. Most are amazed by the hard work and harrowing times their ancestors endured. Some find heroes; many find relatives on the wrong side of history.

In a recent program, one celebrity explored his Latin heritage. Growing up in California, he had known his grandfather as a hard-working man who had come to the US during WWII as a farmworker when laborers were needed. The difficult work of migrant workers amazed this celebrity but he was even more surprised to discover that his grandfather had been deported in Operation Wetback, an official US program. Local men were afraid that migrant workers were taking jobs from them. Herded into holding pens, more than a million laborers were deported. Amazingly, his grandfather managed to return to the US, to become a citizen, to raise a family, and to pass on his principle of hard work.

Going further back in history, this celebrity learned that one of his several great grandfathers had come to America with the Spanish conquistadors in 1546. In a purge called “Pacification,” Spanish soldiers waged a genocidal war against indigenous peoples, capturing, killing, or enslaving them. In a short number of years, half of the six million natives in the central Mexican countryside had been killed. To his horror, he also learned that his ancestor had owned 20-50 enslaved people either of native or African origins. 

Every episode of Finding Your Roots uncovers surprising and fascinating information. Dr. Gates chaperones celebrities through difficult facts. Often, a celebrity feels guilt about what a distant ancestor has done. Gates tells them that, while “guilt is not inheritable,” it is good to know the deeds and misdeeds of your ancestors. Finding your roots leads to knowing your roots. Knowing your roots leads to a greater understanding of how history reflects on the world today. 

Like the celebrities on Finding Your Roots, we should be curious about our history. Knowing our personal history and the history of our nation opens our eyes and widens our perspective. History exposes what good came before and what evil we want to avoid. Lessons from the past provide insights into the future. Covering up the past does not erase it. Uncovering it and learning from it leads to a better future. Knowing our roots helps us understand where we have come from and where we want to go.

The Company You Keep

 

The Company You Keep

I come from a funny family. My father loved to tell jokes. My mother, his best audience, laughed even as we groaned. My siblings are all funny in different ways, ranging from droll to wry to ironic to witty to downright knee-slapping hilarious.  My rating was “audience.” So I was very surprised when during a recent visit, my cousins laughed at all my stories. They rated me “hilarious.” Some of my siblings’ comic genius must have rubbed off on me. 

Do you remember that old bon mot about “the company you keep”?  Parents warn children to choose their friends carefully because others will judge you by the company you keep. The friends you choose will signal to others the person you are. Our friends also influence the person we become.

Anyone you spend time with can change you. If your friends are studious and goal-oriented, you study. If they are party animals, you attend a lot of parties. If they drink, you drink. If your friends are fashion-conscious, your clothes budget inflates. If they hike, you grab a backpack. If they go to church, you learn some hymns. Liberal or conservative? Rock and roll or jazz? Readers or movie buffs, sedentary or active, globe-trotters or armchair travelers, our friends influence our actions and beliefs.

We mold ourselves in the image of our friends so choosing good models is important. If our friends are sarcastic and caustic, we become derisive and critical. If our friends are kind and generous, we open our wallets and hearts. I have often wondered what kind of person I would be if I didn’t have a loving and caring mother and a compassionate and responsible father. Mom loved not only us but everyone she met. She modeled her love in her words and deeds. Dad worked through adversity and illness to make sure we had enough and also volunteered in his community and church. Both were grateful for what they had and wanted to share their good fortune with others. Their values rubbed off on us.

I wonder who I might have become if I had chosen a different spouse. His joyful and open spirit supports me and our children in all of our dreams and endeavors. His joy has been passed to our grandchildren who are a joy for us. 

I have been lucky with friends too. My teacher friends love and support me. My church friends stand by me in times of triumph and trial. My hiking friends carry me along the path with laughter and empathy. I hope I have been a good friend to them all.

Our parents were right; the company we keep is important. Our families, spouses, and friends influence who we are. We also influence them. What attitudes, values, and practices are rubbing off on our children? How do our words and actions signal to them the type of people we want them to be? 

My position on the family hilarity tree might be at the bottom but laughter buoys us all. Share the best of yourself with others. Be the company you want others to keep.

LMC 2022