How I Learned to Be Careful With Cash or Nonna Strikes Again!

How I Learned to Be Careful With Cash

Or 

Nonna Strikes Again!

One day when I was fifteen years old, I walked into my bedroom and confronted a frightening sight. My normally messy desk had been cleared. I chased down my sisters and accused them of getting into my personal stuff. They were loudly denying any part in this crime when my grandmother, Nonna, strolled into the room. 

She stopped our argument with a simple, “They didn’t touch your desk. I did. Your desk was messy so I straightened it up.” 

“What did you do with the envelopes on top?” I asked.

“I threw them away,” Nonna answered.

“But they had my birthday money in them!” I wailed.

“Well,” she said, “you should have been more careful with them then.”

I couldn’t believe how callous Nonna was! How could she so lightly dismiss my loss? I searched the trash to no avail. I took my case to my parents who (Can you believe this?) sided with Nonna. If I had something valuable, it was my job to keep it safe. 

It took me years to get over this. All of us kids knew that Nonna was a human vacuum cleaner. She followed along behind all ten of us (six kids, two parents, our cat and our dog) and put things away. 

My brother maintained that Nonna was a practical joker. You would leave something --like shoes, books, or a jacket -- lying around just where you knew you would find it and, at the most inconvenient moment, when friends were at the door or the school bus was on the corner, you’d go back to find it gone. After a frantic search, we’d always find it where we never thought to look – where it belonged. Once fixing my hair, I stopped to answer the phone. I returned in seconds to find my brushes and barrettes neatly put away. Nonna had struck again!

I never got my money back but I learned a valuable lesson that day -- actually two. First, I learned to take better care of my valuables. While I still might find the occasional dollar in the wash, I usually know exactly where all of my treasures are kept. Second, I learned that Nonna and my parents wanted me to be responsible. I can just imagine this scene today. Teenager carelessly leaves cash lying around. Grandmother cleans up. Teen screams. Grandmother and parents scramble to replace the cash, sorting through the recycling bag or pulling it from their own pockets. What kind of a lesson will these kids learn?

Nonna struck many more times after that. We were slow studies; it took us a long time to learn to put things away. We were blessed to have Nonna with us for many years. We learned to keep our valuables safe, but more importantly, we learned that Nonna and the lessons she taught us were our most priceless treasures. 

Today, when I pick up a dropped sock or put some change in my wallet I think, “Lesson learned, Nonna. Thanks!”

Perception

Perception

The way I see it, anytime you can remove your own clothing at the hospital, you are ahead of the game. Let me explain.

Several years ago, my dear little sister had a job delivering pizza. One evening, I got a call telling me that she had been in an accident and that I needed to get to the hospital STAT. I jumped in the car and raced to the hospital. When I arrived, they told me that my sister was in intensive care. They handed me a bag of her belongings. Inside were the clothes they had cut off of her when she was taken in. My sister recovered but I never forgot that bag of shredded clothes.

Recently, I was admitted to the hospital. I was told to remove all of my clothes and put them in a bag which they then handed to my husband for safe-keeping. I felt very vulnerable waiting in that oh-so-fashionable hospital gown, but I was glad that I had walked in on my own two feet, and was reasonably sure, that I would walk out the same way. I did.

One never knows when life will throw us a curve. We may find ourselves in circumstances over which we have no control.  Someday, we might have our clothes figuratively cut off. We will not be given a choice. So while we still have choices, we should remember to be grateful.

When I was young, my brother and I were goofing around in the family room. My grandmother, Nana, was caring for us while my parents were out of town, and we were giving her a run for her money. My brother was jumping on the couch. I started to tattle, when my brother, to shut me up, gave me a shove. I fell, seemingly in slow motion, across the room and banged my head into the wall. I howled. Nana came running.

Nana took one look at the situation and reacted as all grandmothers did back then, -- she grabbed the nearest thing she could, in this case her slipper, and started whaling on my brother. I ran into the kitchen, hands on my head and bent over in “agony” while reveling in my brother’s so-well-deserved comeuppance. 

I didn’t really feel hurt but was putting on a good show, when I thought to myself, “Why does my hand feel so sticky?” I pulled it off my head to find it covered in blood. Then I really began to howl. Nana raced into the kitchen to call a neighbor to take me to the hospital, exclaiming, “Thank God I washed your hair last night!” 

That day, I walked in and out of the hospital. I’ve done that many times since. I don’t want to do it again, but I am going to remember when I do, that walking in raises my chances of walking out. Removing my own clothing, as small as that move may seem, is a measure of the control I have over my own health. And if the time comes when I lose that control, I pray that my family will be there to hold my clothes – support me with their love – and walk with me wherever I go. 

  

Penny Lane

Penny Lane

My young grandsons and I dance around the living room singing a Beatles standard, “Penny Lane is in my ears and in my eyes….” We are having a jolly time. The three-year-old suddenly stops and asks, “What does it mean, Penny Lane is in my ears and eyes?”

The melody of the song sweeps us away as I ponder his question. To Paul McCartney, composer of the song, it refers to the sights and sounds of an actual street in his hometown of Liverpool. McCartney used the experiences of his life to flavor his lyrics. Experiences and memories from childhood flavor our lives too.

Gary Marcus, in his 2004 book The Birth of the Mind, writes that newborn brains are not a “blank slate” waiting to be filled: “The initial organization of the brain does not rely on experience… Nature provides a first draft which experience then revises… Built-in does not mean unmalleable; it means organized in advance of experience.” In other words, we are born with innate understandings which are shaped by our experiences. Our brains are prewired to be rewired.

Cognitive scientists suggest that every human possesses innate moral foundations (loyalty/betrayal, liberty/oppression, harm/care, fairness/inequity, authority/subversion, purity/degradation) which are active from birth. Just ask any two-year-old about the fairness of his sibling having two cookies while he only has one. These innate foundations are revised by experience. 

Here’s a very simplified example. Lonnie, age three, is jumping on the couch and knocks over her mother’s favorite vase. Lonnie knows that jumping on the couch is forbidden. Her mother puts her in time-out. Lonnie pouts, (“It was an accident!”) After a few minutes, her mother explains the rule again and Lonnie skips off to play.

Lonnie learns that she must accept the consequences for her actions. She also learns that breaking rules does not cause her mother to dislike her and that Mom wants to keep her (and the house) safe. What if Mom had shouted at Lonnie or struck her? What if she had shut her in her room and ignored her for hours? What would Lonnie learn then? Experience shapes understanding. 

Back to Penny Lane. I explained to my grandson that the song is about the memories we keep as we grow. We remember images and sounds so that we can learn from them. I asked him what was in his eyes and ears. He listed riding on the train, playing in the sand, dancing with his brother and singing with his parents. His ears and eyes hold happy memories. 

What images are in your children’s ears and eyes? How are you helping them to revise the “first draft” of their moral mind? Adults direct children’s moral impulses by the experiences of living they provide. Are you providing happy memories, good experiences, and thoughtful conversations? 

Children’s eyes are bright and their ears are sharp. Fill them carefully.

Imbeciles

Imbeciles

This article was written by a defective. Don’t be shocked. I am in good company. According to some, Albert Einstein, Helen Keller, Martin Luther King, Jr. and Joseph Pulitzer, were “unfit [threatening] to bring down not only the nation but the whole human race.” These people, and millions more, were targeted by American eugenicists as undesirable and unnecessary.

Adam Cohen, in his best-selling book, Imbeciles: The Supreme Court, American Eugenics and the Sterilization of Carrie Buck, details the history of modern eugenics — the science of improving the human population by selective breeding. The eugenics movement in the United States, which hit its stride in the early 20th century, proposed limiting or eliminating those people and races which the movement deemed had “inordinately high levels of physical and mental hereditary defects that were degrading to America’s gene pool.” These groups included eastern and southern Europeans, epileptics, alcoholics, the mentally ill, the physically- or intellectually-handicapped, and the poor.

The eugenics movement was supported by some pretty powerful people: John D. Rockefeller, one of the world’s wealthiest, men funded it; Alexander Graham Bell, the inventor of the telephone, chaired the Board of Scientific Directors of the Eugenics Record Office; and Theodore Roosevelt, the president of the United States, insisted in a national magazine that “the unfit must be forbidden to leave offspring behind them.” The sterilization of the “unfit” was a major goal of the movement.

During this period of history, various states passed laws which prohibited people deemed to be “hereditarily unworthy” from marrying or reproducing. Proponents wanted every American to be “eugenically investigated,” that is, evaluated for defects which indicated that they should be sterilized. Under these laws, 60 to 70 thousand people were sterilized. 

The Immigration Act of 1924, a federal law, severely limited immigration from southern and eastern European nations. The leaders of the eugenics movement claimed that Jews (such as Albert Einstein), blacks (Martin Luther King, Jr.) the physically-handicapped (Helen Keller), eastern (Joseph Pulitzer) and southern Europeans (my heritage) should be denied entry. In 1941, Otto Frank pleaded with U.S. government officials for visas for his wife and daughters, Margot and Anne. He was denied.

Especially targeted were the “feeble-minded.” Many young women thought promiscuous or progressive were judged a “moral or demographic” threat. Cohen details one famous case, that of unwed mother Carrie Buck who was labeled “mentally-deficient,” as were her mother and her infant daughter, even though no reliable intelligence tests existed. Advocates for Buck took the case all the way to the Supreme Court. In 1927, Chief Justice Oliver Wendall Holmes read the deciding opinion, that “three generations of imbeciles are enough.” Buck was involuntarily sterilized. Nazis on trial for war crimes used this case as a justification for their “final solution.” 

Who decides who is necessary and who is not? Those who have power use it against those who don’t. We are appalled when we read of modern-day genocides abroad and believe that the U.S. is immune to such evils. Our memories are short. As late as 1958, inmates in Virginia were sterilized as degenerates. The last forced sterilization took place in Oregon in 1983. 

Who do we marginalize today? Who do we deem “unfit” to be Americans? Could the atrocities of the past return? In the last century, thousands were denied entry to the U.S. and thousands were sterilized because of unfounded theories. Do we now analyze the purposes of those in power and seek verification for theories (or rumors)?

Our society is made richer by diversity. When we marginalize or judge others to maintain power, we weaken our nation. Be aware. Seek the truth. Einstein, Keller, King, and my ancestors made this nation a better place. 

Only imbeciles judge others before judging themselves.

 

The Real Cost of Food

The Real Cost of Food

Last summer we visited family in Finland. Finland’s reputation leans toward cold and dark. In winter, there are about 20 hours of dark and about four hours of dim. Temperatures hover in the negatives. But in August, we found about 20 hours of bright sunshine and delightfully warm and dry days. We had a grand visit.

The people of Finland were welcoming and friendly. We visited during a time when the dollar was holding its own against the Euro, so we expected to have a financially-positive trip –- until we went to the supermarket. Wow! More than once I stood in the store with produce in my hand amazed at the cost. We are living in a “fool’s paradise” in America. Food is very expensive in Finland. 

Why is food so costly in Finland? First of all, it’s got to get there. Finland is way up there --about a third of the country lies within the Arctic Circle. Winter is frigid and long. Many crops won’t survive in its short growing season. Berries abound and thousands of lakes and the seas provide a bounty of fresh fish. Much food, however, must be imported so the price rises.

Food prices in Finland are tied to food costs. Here in the U.S., food prices do not reflect the actual cost of food. The hidden costs of growing, shipping and selling food here are often masked by government programs and subsidies. The energy needed to produce just one pound of steak, for example, is staggering. Cattle drink about 2,500 gallons of water for each pound of meat produced. Add in the cost for average travel distance of 2,000 miles (from feed to cattle to processing to shipping to store), the 12 tons of waste per cow per year which must be collected and processed, the methane released into the atmosphere from exhalations and waste, the cost of antibiotics added to feed, and damage to the environment as rainforests are cut down to provide land for feed crops, the average cost of a pound of steak comes to about $815.00. Wow!

Becoming a vegetarian won’t help much. The practice of mono-cropping, growing one profitable crop rather than a more sustainable variety has led to overuse of chemicals which leach into the soil and water sources raising the cost for soil and water treatment. This does not even include the costs of labor for picking, packing and shipping these crops.

Health costs have risen too. Because more food is available, we eat more. Obesity rates have reached new highs. Obesity increases the risk of heart attacks, strokes, and diabetes. So the price of food is far less than the cost of food here in the U.S. The higher prices in Finland may be more accurate, but the cost of feeding the world is phenomenal. 

What can be done to even out the costs and prices? Some suggest eating only locally grown organic foods. This would reduce pollution and shipping costs. Would this method produce enough food for the world? Opinions differ. The population steadily increases as we figure this out. Will we be too late?

So what can we do? First of all, be aware of food costs. Investigate the actual cost for the foods you buy. Those $4.00 pastured organic eggs at the farm stand may be cheaper in the long run than the 99 cents dozen at the super store. Shopping at local farm stands may not reduce the cost – many feature foods which have been shipped from other parts of the country. Ask where your food originates and how it is produced. Stop thinking price and start thinking cost.  

Stop living in a “fool’s paradise” so that we can all live in a real one. Know the true cost of food before you reach for your wallet.

Cauliflower Pizza Crust

Total Time:

40 min

Prep:

5 min

Inactive:

10 min

Cook:

25 min

Ingredients

1 head cauliflower, stalk removed

1/2 cup shredded mozzarella

1/4 cup grated Parmesan

1/2 teaspoon dried oregano

1/2 teaspoon kosher salt

1/4 teaspoon garlic powder

2 eggs, lightly beaten

Directions

Preheat the oven to 400 degrees F. Line a baking sheet with parchment paper.

Break the cauliflower into florets and pulse in a food processor until fine. Steam in a steamer basket and drain well. (I like to put it on a towel to get all the moisture out.) Let cool.

In a bowl, combine the cauliflower with the mozzarella, Parmesan, oregano, salt, garlic powder and eggs. Transfer to the center of the baking sheet and spread into a circle, resembling a pizza crust. Bake for 20 minutes.

Add desired toppings and bake an additional 10 minutes.

Not Your Parents' Pot

Not Your Parents’ Pot

Teens take risks. Many of these involve drinking and drugs. The recreational use of marijuana has become more common at teen parties. Many view it as a harmless drug, fun to use and easy to get. But Dr. Frances Jensen, in her book The Teenage Brain, warns that pot-smoking is anything but benign. 

Dr. Jensen writes that the highly-concentrated marijuana smoked by kids today can “disrupt the development of neural pathways.” Brain development can be seriously impaired. Studies show that smoking pot “interrupts the smooth functioning of the motor cortex” which is why “pot smokers can appear to be slack, clumsy, and slow moving and have trouble reacting promptly in dangerous situations,” such as driving, swimming, and playing sports. Further, “early teen users are twice as likely to get addicted, and … have more trouble with focus and attention and make twice as many mistakes on tests involving planning, flexibility and abstract thinking… Bottom line: The earlier the use, the greater the abuse.” 

Marijuana affects adolescent brains more quickly and far longer than adult brains. Cases of schizophrenia, clinical depression and psychosis have been linked to marijuana use. Marijuana  users inhale smoke with three to five times the tar and carbon monoxide tobacco-users do. Since the smoke is held longer in the lungs, the risk for cancer and emphysema is greater. 

Is marijuana a gate-way drug? The jury is still out on direct connections between pot and  hard drugs but pot smoking is often done in situations where hard drugs are also being used. Peer pressure might soften a teen’s resistance to hard drugs.

Marijuana’s effects can be deadly serious. Parents need to discuss these dangers when their children are young. Don’t joke about your own experimentation. Give your children the facts in a friendly way. Model responsible behavior. Children watch adults for cues for living. They respect their parents and don’t want to disappoint them.

Encourage your teens’ hopes and dreams and make sure that they know how drugs, even pot, can affect those goals. Know what you are talking about. Do the research necessary for meaningful conversations. Know where your teens are and what they are doing. Keep the lines of communication open, friendly and caring. 

Today we know that partying with alcohol, marijuana or drugs can cause permanent brain damage. As Dr. Jensen warns, “If, as parents, teachers and guardians, we ignore the science, we do so at the peril of our own children.” Protect your children now. 

(All quotes from The Teenage Brain by Dr. Frances Jensen, MD)

Stay Calm and Learn More

Stay Calm and Learn More

“I like to take my time, I mean, that when I want to do a thing, I like to take my time and do it right.” 

     These words begin one of my favorite songs of Fred Rogers. Mr. Rogers had a calm and relaxed style which quieted many a soul. When I was teaching, I often played this song to center my class for learning. It worked every time.

Children come to school from a wide-variety of homes. Some wake up to a hot breakfast ready on the table and parents who help them into their coats and walk them to the bus stop. Some are rousted out of bed by a rushed parent handing them a protein bar as they race out the door. Others wake up to an empty house, dress themselves, and run for the bus. 

Do you remember riding the school bus? Kids bounce up and down on the seats as the bus driver struggles to maintain order while keeping her eyes on the road. Happy kids, scared kids, sad kids and bossy kids all ride together. 

All of these children — the well-fed, the hungry, the happy, the scared, the bossy and the bossed, arrive at school and are expected to settle down to learn. Many are so anxious that the tiniest bit of learning cannot squeeze through their stress and into their brains.

Paul Tough, author of Helping Children Succeed: What Works and Why, writes that stressed children often lag significantly behind calmer students. Studies show that students who are given emotional support at home and in school improve academically, socially, and emotionally. They score higher on tests, reduce their aggressive behaviors and increase their self-control.

In these studies, researchers encouraged parents to spend more time with their children, read to them, play with them, sing songs, and relax together. In school, teachers were instructed to set clear routines, to redirect negative behavior (instead of inflicting negative consequences) and to model positive attitudes. A relaxed atmosphere benefits both children and adults. 

When these guidelines were adopted in one inner-city preschool, the students improved in attention, impulse control, and academic skills in vocabulary, letter-naming and math, “despite the fact that the training provided to teachers [and parents] included no academic content at all.” Calmer homes and calmer classrooms led to calmer students who learned more. 

Simple changes in daily routines bring big benefits. Set a regular bedtime and stick to it. Prepare for the next morning the night before. Pick out clothing, put the homework in the book bag, put the coats and shoes by the door. When possible, enjoy simple family meals together. Review the day. Plan for the weekend. Read together before bedtime. Hug a lot. 

Children who are surrounded by adults whose attitudes and behaviors are “warm, stable and nurturing” are better prepared to learn than children who inhabit “chaotic or unstable” environments. In other words, kids who have less stress, learn more. Parents and teachers who create calm and supportive homes and classrooms help children develop the skills needed to navigate in a chaotic world. 

Relax with your children or students. Reduce stress and increase positive attitudes. Give them attention and support. 

Take your time and do it right.