Melting Down

Melting Down

I was born with a clock ticking in my head. I must be on time — or early. As the minutes tick closer to my self-imposed deadline, my blood pressure rises. One of the first things that endeared my husband to me was that he was always twenty minutes early for our dates. Somehow, I am sandwiched between a mother and daughter who have only a passing acquaintance with time. I’ve  had more meltdowns about time than Salvador Dali’s famous dripping clock.

All of us have personal areas of stress. Many of these are self-imposed. We are very hard on ourselves — no outside grading needed. Small children melt down when their plans are thwarted by parents or circumstances. School-age children tear up papers when their handwriting or drawing does not meet their high standards. Middle school students collapse when they don’t make the team, the band, the squad, or the honor roll. High school seniors think their lives are over when they can’t wear the latest fashion or don't get into the college of their choice.

Our hardest critics are often ourselves. The world imposes many stressors that press us down. Adding our self-imposed stressors can squash us flat. Flattened people do not function well.

Outside pressures are often beyond our control, so if we want to pump our flattened selves up, we must realize the hard pressures we are putting on ourselves and soften them. Here are some softening strategies to consider.

The first step is to make a list of the pressures you can control. Self-imposed rules should not come before relationships. Being a little late is not as bad as fracturing a family. 

Prioritize your pressures. Are there any pressures which can be easily subtracted? I ask myself: Are there times when I can relax about time? When must I be on time and when can I be a few minutes late?

Note connecting issues. How do I contribute to the pressure? Is my family intentionally later or are there legitimate reasons for their tardiness? How can I help?

Choose an issue to address. Make a plan for managing this one stressor. If my family is not as concerned about time, could we travel separately What calming activity can I do while waiting for slower family members?

Is it possible to step away from the stressor? Maybe take a walk, read a book, or engage in a hobby while waiting? Getting a few more steps, enjoying a good book, or practicing a skill is more profitable than blowing up or melting down.

Look for good examples to follow. My mother put people before the clock. She lent a listening ear or soothed an agitated spirit without glancing at her watch. My daughter misses a lot of buses but never misses a precious moment with her children.

Turn off your inner critic. Go easy on yourself. Don’t melt down — calm down and enjoy every minute of life.