The Outer Light

The Outer Light

We are an aging population. Many people live to a “ripe-old-age” in good health. Many continue to work in their chosen field or second or third careers. But some are not so lucky. Many suffer from failing health and limited prospects.

In Being Mortal: Medicine and What Matters in the End, Atul Gawande, asks what is it that aging people “need in order to feel that life is worthwhile.” Aging adults become more dependent on the help of others. Physiological and security needs are filled by caregivers. Belonging and esteem needs are harder to fill. The feelings of independence, competence, and self-respect which made living enjoyable can get lost when one is incapacitated by age or illness. 

Gawande writes: “We’ve been wrong about what our job is in medicine. We think our job is to ensure health and survival. But really it is larger than that. It is to enable well-being.”  Well-being means feeling needed, valued, and significant. Old age should be a time of fulfillment, not a time of waiting for the end. 

Many elders needing nursing care (at home or in care facilities) lack a sense of purpose. The sameness of days can lead to depression or despair. Activities may focus on keeping elders busy — not making them feel that they are still valuable and capable. How can we use the many talents of our elders to enrich their lives and ours?

Get to know them. Our elders are people with stories to tell, talents to share, and opinions to express. Ask them about their jobs, hobbies, and interests. Include them when planning outings and activities. Find out what makes them happy and help them get it. We live in community — everyone should have a role and a part to play. 

Share your projects and needs with them. A teacher friend of mine enlisted her father-in-law in cutting out shapes for her kindergarten students. Another friend started a knitting group at a nursing home whose members make hats for premature infants. Retired seniors can read to or with preschool or primary school students or tutor in after-school programs. If they can’t get out, they can record the books at home.

How many wonderful retired musicians might be found? One of my friends plays in a seniors’ band called “The Grateful Alive.” Another leads sing-alongs in retirement homes. Music enlivens and involves people everywhere. Our elder friends are repositories of much history. What experiences might they share? How can we record and honor these? The collected wisdom of age is waiting to be plumbed. 

One of my dearest friends is confined to a wheelchair and is restricted by a debilitating condition. She can’t do much with her hands or move freely, but she is fulfilled even in her restrictions. She has taken on the job of friend. She welcomes newcomers, visits the sick, and comforts the grieving. Residents and staff light up when she wheels their way.  

Everyone is valuable and necessary. Share your talents with the world. Ask the elders you know what they need to feel good and needed. Light up the world together.