You Are [Not] Special

 

You are [Not] Special

In 2012, David McCullough, Jr, a teacher at Wellesley High School, gave a commencement speech which made national news. He told the graduates who had been “pampered, cosseted, doted upon, helmeted, [and] bubble-wrapped” by the many adults in their lives, the awful truth: “You are not special. You are not exceptional.” This admonition struck a chord with many because it countered Mister Fred Rogers catchphrases: “You are special,” and “You’ve made this day special by just your being you.” 

Mr. McCullough asserted that many young people feel entitled to specialness because they had been indulged by parents, affirmed by teachers, and serenaded by Fred Rogers. Parents ensured that their children got the very best, that they were at the front of the line, that they did not fail. Teachers praised every small effort. Mr. Rogers told them that he liked them “just the way they are.”

Mr. McCullough noted that there were thousands of graduates with equal or superior credits and that they were not the center of the universe despite what their parents, teachers, coaches, and almost every adult in their lives had told them. He told them that true worth is not measured by accolades but by genuine achievement. 

Mister Rogers did tell them that they were special. He did like them just the way they were. But he did not mean that they were exceptional or more worthy than anyone else. He sang, “You are my friend, You are special, You’re special to me.” In his songs and on his shows, he was telling children that they had a friend, someone who was looking out for them, someone who accepted them as they were. They were special because he cared for them.

Some children watching Mister Rogers did not have secure lives with loving parents. His gentle voice and close attention might have been the only affirmation they got. Many children who watched did have happy families. Fred taught them to appreciate everyone, even those who are different, because “everybody’s fancy, everybody’s fine” and everyone is worthy of friendship. That’s how you are special — because you can have friends and be one.

Mr. McCullough told young people to live worthy lives. Mister Rogers did too. He welcomed everyone into his world. Everyone in his neighborhood has a place and is respected. Mr. McCullough told the graduates that a fulfilling life was not “something that fell into your lap” but was something that was earned through honest effort. Mister Rogers told children that life would be fulfilling when you treated everyone like a friend.

Mr. McCullough ended his speech with the hope that the graduates would “discover [that] the great and curious truth of the human experience is that selflessness is the best thing you can do for yourself. The sweetest joys of life, then, come only with the recognition that you’re not special. Because everyone is.” 

Mister Rogers would agree. 

(I encourage you to read McCullough’s book, You Are Not Special… and Other Encouragements and to watch Mister Rogers Neighborhood on PBS or online.)