On my right knee, a two-inch scar reminds me of a day, many years ago, when my grandparents were coming to visit. When their taxi pulled into the driveway, I raced across our brick patio to greet them. Crash! Blood flowed, cries followed. After calming me down, and bandaging my cut, my mother “made it all better” by giving my knee a healing kiss.
A mom’s healing kiss is magic. Children believe that their parents can heal all of their hurts. Parents teach us many good things. Their words and actions shape our lives — and our values and beliefs. Good parents are mindful of the influence they have on their children, but sometimes, even the best intentions, have unintended consequences.
In her book Mind Over Medicine, Dr. Lissa Rankin raises an interesting question: When we rush to “heal” our children, are we undermining their abilities to heal themselves? Dr. Rankin writes, “Many of us were programmed to have disempowering thoughts about our health at an early age.” We were unwittingly taught to rely on outside sources, doctors, medicines, and even a mother’s kiss, for healing causing children to believe that they “have little or no power to help themselves get well.”
Rankin suggests an alternative approach. While never withholding medical treatment when really necessary and offering comfort and kisses, she recommends teaching children that their bodies are “self-repair mechanisms.” Instead of programming children to look to the outside for healing, teach them to reach for inner power first: “Imagine if parents programmed impressionable young subconscious minds to believe that we have self-healing superpowers to fight disease and activate health, instead of teaching us that illness must be treated by dosing us up with medication every time we get sick and hauling us off to the doctor’s office for a shot. Imagine how optimally healthy our subconscious minds would be.”
Having a healthy outlook on life heals many hurts. Children who are raised to feel healthy, empowered, and able are more likely to be well, confident, and capable adults. A child who believes she can get up after falling down is more likely to do so. A child who experiences success after failure is more likely to try again. A child who is trusted to do it by themselves will be more likely to reach higher and work harder.
I loved my parent’s healing kisses and gave many kisses to my own children. Children need to know that their parents love and support them. We must also teach them that they have their own “superpowers” which will support them through whatever life brings their way.
Kisses are healing. Believing that you have inner resources is healing too. Help your children find the “superpowers” they need to make life “all better.”
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