Masters of Speaking

Masters of Speaking

People are afraid of many things, insects, flying, needles, the dark, clowns, and a Zombie Apocalypse. But the most common fear, ahead of the fear of death, is the fear of public speaking. Speaking in front of a crowd is the stuff of nightmares — reinforced by actual nightmares about forgetting your pants when doing so.

Last summer, I had the privilege of working with a group of middle school students at Toastmasters Jr., an eight-week summer program focusing on speaking and leadership skills. A trained facilitator leads students through a series of games and exercises designed to help them overcome anxiety about speaking, organize and present their ideas logically and convincingly, listen carefully to the ideas of others, and to offer helpful advice.

At the first meeting, the group agreed to attend faithfully, be prepared, complete assignments, provide helpful feedback and to contribute with respect. We also agreed to be honest and ethical in all of our activities and speaking assignments. This set the stage for open and friendly exchanges. Each member is assigned a role: Timer, “Ah-counter (counting verbal crutches such as “um, uh, like, you know, etc.), General Evaluator or leader, and the Reviewer who offers friendly feedback to speakers. We took turns playing each role. 

I was immediately impressed by both the facilitator and the students. Mutual respect flavored each meeting as we learned about communication styles, practiced active listening, and developed the use of effective expressions, varying tones, and body language. We shared experiences, emotions, and laughter. The structures of effective speaking — catching listeners’ attention with a bold beginning, supporting your message with a well-organized middle, and leaving a lasting impression  — intertwined with game-playing, storytelling, and solving puzzles. We set a purpose for each speech, focused on a message, and chose an organizational approach for delivering it. We had a lot of fun. 

Toastmasters Jr.’s primary goal is interpersonal communication, which our manual defined as “what happens when two or more people get together and communicate… getting your ideas and feelings across…” in a safe learning environment. Effective communication involves respect, tact, discretion, empathy, self-control, active listening, confidence, grace, and kindness. 

We finished the course with presentations by our students. Each gave a speech and demonstrated a talent. Confidence replaced fear. Grace and kindness prevailed.

The communication skills we learned —to be prepared, to listen respectfully, to provide helpful feedback, to respond with respect, and to be honest and ethical when sharing in open and friendly exchanges — apply to more than public speaking. Effective communication skills are vital in most life situations. Spouses need them. Parents need them. Teachers need them. Friends and rivals need them. Our political leaders, media representatives, and public figures would do well to learn them. We must all be honest and ethical when interacting with others. Our fears will subside when we can communicate in a safe environment ruled by grace and kindness. 

(Toastmasters Jr. is a program of Toastmasters International Find out more at toastmasters.com. Thanks to Wanda Brown, local facilitator, and to my father, Michael Scotto, who was a long-term member.)