The Generation Generation

The Generation Generation

Our little girl had two older brothers who loved to play with her toys — the wrong way. Push cars became skates, Teddy bears parachuted from trees, and a Jack-in-a-Box lid catapulted blocks across the room. We never knew what they would think of next.

Actually, there is no wrong way to play with a toy. Toys promote creativity — one of the vital skills needed for success in today’s world as detailed in Becoming Brilliant: What Science Tells Us About Raising Successful Children, by Roberta Michnick Golenkoff and Kathy Hirsh-Pasek. Our two boys working together to misuse their sister’s toys were not being destructive; they were being creative. 

J.P. Guilford, an American psychologist who studied human intelligence, defined creativity as the ability to produce a number of different responses to a new problem. In today’s fast-moving world, new problems arise daily. Electric cars have arrived! Where do we plug them in? The Internet spans the world! How do we police it? 

Golenkoff and Hirsh-Pasek define a creative person as “one who can generate many responses of many different kinds, many of which are unusual or clever.” Anyone can be creative. There is no age requirement or special degree needed. Young children begin experimenting almost as soon as they can sit up. What will happen if I drop this spoon? They discover that Mom or Dad will pick it up! Soon baby is throwing the spoon farther and noting how many times it can be dropped before the spoon is not returned.

As children learn more about the world, they experiment and begin creating solutions for themselves. One little friend of mine, when deprived of his toys for the infraction of not putting them away, used the empty boxes to create new toys. Another, during a particularly fractious presidential election season, nominated her Teddy bear, Rainbow, for office. He won! (I voted for him.) If at first they don’t succeed, children will try, try, try again to figure it out and get it done in new and creative ways.

Children look for problems to solve. They study them and make proposals. Asking “What if?” opens the door for novel solutions. They adapt, invent, fail,  and try another way. They communicate, collaborate, use information, and evaluate. They develop the skills necessary for success.

Parents and teachers nurture creativity by providing space for playing and thinking. Free play is important! Supply the materials kids need to create — paint, glue, blocks, scissors, space, paper, empty boxes, toys, time, experiences, and encouragement. Let your children act out — act out with them — be silly, make up songs and plays, role play, do something or do nothing together. Dream with them, not for them. Let them find problems and propose solutions. Stand by and cheer when they do.

Allow and encourage creativity in your children. Prepare them today for tomorrow’s world. What problems will they face? What solutions will they create? 

What will they think of next? 

(This is the sixth in a series of articles inspired by Becoming Brilliant: What Science Tells Us About Raising Successful Children by Roberta Michnick Golinkoff, Ph.D. and Kathy Hirsh-Pasek, Ph.D. I encourage you to read it.)

Masters of Speaking

Masters of Speaking

People are afraid of many things, insects, flying, needles, the dark, clowns, and a Zombie Apocalypse. But the most common fear, ahead of the fear of death, is the fear of public speaking. Speaking in front of a crowd is the stuff of nightmares — reinforced by actual nightmares about forgetting your pants when doing so.

Last summer, I had the privilege of working with a group of middle school students at Toastmasters Jr., an eight-week summer program focusing on speaking and leadership skills. A trained facilitator leads students through a series of games and exercises designed to help them overcome anxiety about speaking, organize and present their ideas logically and convincingly, listen carefully to the ideas of others, and to offer helpful advice.

At the first meeting, the group agreed to attend faithfully, be prepared, complete assignments, provide helpful feedback and to contribute with respect. We also agreed to be honest and ethical in all of our activities and speaking assignments. This set the stage for open and friendly exchanges. Each member is assigned a role: Timer, “Ah-counter (counting verbal crutches such as “um, uh, like, you know, etc.), General Evaluator or leader, and the Reviewer who offers friendly feedback to speakers. We took turns playing each role. 

I was immediately impressed by both the facilitator and the students. Mutual respect flavored each meeting as we learned about communication styles, practiced active listening, and developed the use of effective expressions, varying tones, and body language. We shared experiences, emotions, and laughter. The structures of effective speaking — catching listeners’ attention with a bold beginning, supporting your message with a well-organized middle, and leaving a lasting impression  — intertwined with game-playing, storytelling, and solving puzzles. We set a purpose for each speech, focused on a message, and chose an organizational approach for delivering it. We had a lot of fun. 

Toastmasters Jr.’s primary goal is interpersonal communication, which our manual defined as “what happens when two or more people get together and communicate… getting your ideas and feelings across…” in a safe learning environment. Effective communication involves respect, tact, discretion, empathy, self-control, active listening, confidence, grace, and kindness. 

We finished the course with presentations by our students. Each gave a speech and demonstrated a talent. Confidence replaced fear. Grace and kindness prevailed.

The communication skills we learned —to be prepared, to listen respectfully, to provide helpful feedback, to respond with respect, and to be honest and ethical when sharing in open and friendly exchanges — apply to more than public speaking. Effective communication skills are vital in most life situations. Spouses need them. Parents need them. Teachers need them. Friends and rivals need them. Our political leaders, media representatives, and public figures would do well to learn them. We must all be honest and ethical when interacting with others. Our fears will subside when we can communicate in a safe environment ruled by grace and kindness. 

(Toastmasters Jr. is a program of Toastmasters International Find out more at toastmasters.com. Thanks to Wanda Brown, local facilitator, and to my father, Michael Scotto, who was a long-term member.)