How Were You Raised?

How were you raised?

Twice a year, I volunteer at a mission event. All the volunteers have a great time. We chat and laugh as we sort the donated items. One of my sorting-buddies takes on a very big job — organizing the thousands of household items that are donated. I love helping her because she is not only efficient and organized but she also has a big heart.

As we work, she keeps those who will be receiving the donated items foremost in her mind. She makes sure that everything is in good working condition and clean. Sometimes we find items which should have been trashed or which are filthy. I once wondered aloud why someone would donate such items. My friend replied, “It’s all in how you’ve been raised.” 

“It’s all in how you’ve been raised.” How were you raised? What happened then that makes you the person you are now? It’s true, the lessons we learn in childhood follow us all of our lives. We brush our teeth because our parents did. We treat our neighbors the way our parents did. We support causes our parents did and spend our money the way our parents did. Even if we rebelled and totally rejected all of our parents' values, the lessons they taught us — consciously or inadvertently — stick with us. 

A recent report revealed that even those of us who grow up in “happy” families are influenced by the mores of the larger society. Those who grew up in the “Ozzie and Harriett” 1950s might be less likely to recognize tacit racism. Those who identify with the hippies of the 1960s might be more likely to promote women’s rights. Children today are more likely to accept diversity in cultures and families. World values impact children’s lives.

How you were raised affects who you are today and how you behave. My sorting-buddy learned the golden rule from her parents: Treat others the way you want to be treated. Everyone is worthy of respect and dignity. She sees the donations to the mission event as gifts to those in need. They are not discards, they are gift-cards.

Many of us had great parents; many of us did not. Many of us were raised in good times; many of us were not. The circumstances of our youth shape us but we are never finished being raised. We can choose to treat others well. We can choose to respect the dignity of all people. We can discard hurtful attitudes and choose helpful ones.

My sorting-buddy and the other volunteers at the mission event come from many different backgrounds, but somewhere along the line, they learned to help others. They continue to “raise” themselves, and those they help, by doing good. Children raised well learn that people care about them. 

Pass these values along to your children. When you are raised well, others rise.

Six Week Test

Six Week Tests

When I was in school, our teachers gave us comprehensive tests every six weeks for evaluation and diagnosis. They checked to see what we had learned and what we needed to learn. The tests focused on math, science, language arts and social studies. Even the best students dreaded these tests. Six weeks is a long time.

I will never forget one novice teacher, who, using new pedological strategies, seated us in the order of our scoring on the test: highest scorer, first seat, first row; lowest scorer, last seat, last row. I will not tell you where I sat. 

In school, we were always being rated and sorted by test scores. We rated and sorted ourselves by these scores and others of our own making. Some of our ratings were not so good. Some of our sorting was awful. 

School is about learning. We learn academics and we learn about living. We learn that some are more successful than others. We learn that some are popular and some get left behind. We learn that ratings can sort us and that sorting can hurt us.

Some of us never stop rating ourselves and others based on the scores we earn in school, in business, in society, and in culture. We rate others by how much money they make, how much power they have, how many things they own. We rate ourselves by the same standards. Ratings and sorting can still hurt us.

What if, every six weeks, we changed the testing parameters? What if, instead of rating our knowledge, our salaries, or our status, we rate our happiness, our generosity, our compassion? What if we changed the scale for success?

Am I happier than I was six weeks ago? What can I do to be happier? What’s the best thing I’ve done in the last six weeks? What have I done to help others? What goals have I met, set, abandoned, or revised? What steps am I taking to make my life, my family’s life, my workplace, my community, my country, my world a better place? How did I react when I succeeded or didn’t succeed? How did my actions impact others?

We face tests for living every day. How we face these tests is more important than what score we get. Am I kind? Do I help or hurt? Do I keep going or give up? Am I trustworthy? Do I work for or against fairness, justice, and peace? Do I consider the feelings and situations of others before judging them? Do I rate and sort others on the same scale I would want them to rate and sort me? 

Just as our teachers did, we need to stop, at least every six weeks if not daily, to evaluate what we have learned and what we need to learn. We must learn not to seat others by the artificial scores of the world. We must get up, walk the length of the room and offer a helping hand. We learn better when we work together.