Get Out of Line

Get Out of Line

This article is rated PG  -1.

When I was young, my mother sat me down to tell me a story from her school days. When she was in high school, a group of boys trapped her in the cloak room, pushed her up against the wall, and, as she put it, attempted to “manhandle” her. Luckily, she had the courage to defend herself. She commanded them to stop and to leave her alone. She was left unhurt but humiliated.  Almost seventy years later, she remembers this incident as if it were yesterday.

           

This story comes to mind every time I hear a report of sexual assault in the news. Recently, a case at a major university has caught the attention of the media. College students, people smart enough to pass exams and wealthy enough to pay tuition, still think that it is “fun” to assault a helpless person. The details chill the bones. But the most disturbing part of this report is that this is not an isolated incident. Sexual assault is pervasive in our society.

Statistics tell us that one out of every six women has been a victim of an attempted or completed rape in her lifetime. One out of seven men has experienced a violent sexual attack. In America today, more than 20 million people carry the scars of sexual assault. Many of these are children. That means every one of us knows someone who has been the victim of sexual violence – or has been or will be a victim.

This is not a topic we like to visit. Many who have been assaulted carry such shame that they will not report or even speak about their assault. The violence of the attack colors the rest of their lives, affecting their relationships with their families and cohorts. Many suffer from PTSD.

When my mother told me her story, she said that we must talk about these things so that these attacks will cease.

So here’s my story.

When I was thirteen, some boys targeted a friend and me at the pool. They encircled us in the water, pulled us under and attempted, to put it nicely, to remove our swimsuits. Imagine this -- we were under water, feeling as if we were drowning, fighting off a group of attackers who were laughing and egging each other on. Luckily, we fought free and made it out of the pool -- unhurt, but humiliated. We told the lifeguard, a woman, about the attack, and she told us to stay out of the pool for the rest of the day. She said nothing to the boys.

We must tell our stories, and, more importantly, we must teach our children that sexual assault is not fun, it is not acceptable -- it is wrong, criminal, and disgusting. Unbelievably, college students who have either participated in assaults or who have witnessed them, defend themselves by saying that this is “all part of the game.” The goal is to “score.” How you do it is up to you.  

What game will your children be playing? Will they be the “winners” or the “losers?” Which side do you want them to be on? How can you stop them from playing on either side? 

Some years ago, a high school girl went to a party. She drank too much, and her sports hero boyfriend thought it might be cool to offer her to some of his friends. As she laid in a stupor, five other sports heroes lined up to “have some fun” with her. Others watched. When the report of this assault became public, the story was big news. Some felt that the boys were “just being boys.” Some said that the girl didn’t have “such a great reputation” herself.  I had only one question for both sides: Would your child get in that line?

Get them out of line. Tell them your stories. Teach them to respect the sanctity of human life. No laws, no government interventions, no guidance counselors will stop assaults until parents teach their children that this is wrong.

This article is rated PG (negative)1. Don’t wait until your children are 13 before offering parental guidance. Before you even decide to have children, decide to teach them right and wrong. No one should ever have to tell another story of sexual assault, bullying, or coercion.

Have the courage my mother had.

Make them stop.