Get Out of Line
This
article is rated PG -1.
When
I was young, my mother sat me down to tell me a story from her school days.
When she was in high school, a group of boys trapped her in the cloak room,
pushed her up against the wall, and, as she put it, attempted to “manhandle”
her. Luckily, she had the courage to defend herself. She commanded them to stop
and to leave her alone. She was left unhurt but humiliated. Almost seventy years later, she remembers this
incident as if it were yesterday.
This
story comes to mind every time I hear a report of sexual assault in the news.
Recently, a case at a major university has caught the attention of the
media. College students, people smart enough to pass exams and wealthy enough
to pay tuition, still think that it is “fun” to assault a helpless person. The
details chill the bones. But the most disturbing part of this report is that
this is not an isolated incident. Sexual assault is pervasive in our society.
Statistics
tell us that one out of every six women has been a victim of an attempted or
completed rape in her lifetime. One out of seven men has experienced a violent
sexual attack. In America today, more than 20 million people carry the scars of
sexual assault. Many of these are children. That means every one of us knows
someone who has been the victim of sexual violence – or has been or will be a
victim.
This
is not a topic we like to visit. Many who have been assaulted carry such shame
that they will not report or even speak about their assault. The violence of
the attack colors the rest of their lives, affecting their relationships with
their families and cohorts. Many suffer from PTSD.
When
my mother told me her story, she said that we must talk about these things so
that these attacks will cease.
So
here’s my story.
When
I was thirteen, some boys targeted a friend and me at the pool. They encircled
us in the water, pulled us under and attempted, to put it nicely, to remove our
swimsuits. Imagine this -- we were under water, feeling as if we were drowning,
fighting off a group of attackers who were laughing and egging each other on.
Luckily, we fought free and made it out of the pool -- unhurt, but humiliated.
We told the lifeguard, a woman, about the attack, and she told us to stay out
of the pool for the rest of the day. She said nothing to the boys.
We
must tell our stories, and, more importantly, we must teach our children that
sexual assault is not fun, it is not acceptable -- it is wrong, criminal, and
disgusting. Unbelievably, college students who have
either participated in assaults or who have witnessed them, defend themselves
by saying that this is “all part of the game.” The goal is to “score.” How you
do it is up to you.
What
game will your children be playing? Will they be the “winners” or the “losers?”
Which side do you want them to be on? How can you stop them from playing on
either side?
Some
years ago, a high school girl went to a party. She drank too much, and her
sports hero boyfriend thought it might be cool to offer her to some of his
friends. As she laid in a stupor, five other sports heroes lined up to “have
some fun” with her. Others watched. When the report of this assault became
public, the story was big news. Some felt that the boys were “just being boys.”
Some said that the girl didn’t have “such a great reputation” herself. I had only one question for both sides: Would
your child get in that line?
Get
them out of line. Tell them your stories. Teach them to respect the sanctity of
human life. No laws, no government interventions, no guidance counselors will
stop assaults until parents teach their children that this is wrong.
This
article is rated PG (negative)1. Don’t wait until your children are 13 before offering
parental guidance. Before you even decide to have children, decide to teach
them right and wrong. No one should ever have to tell another story of sexual
assault, bullying, or coercion.
Have
the courage my mother had.
Make
them stop.
