Red-Nosed Parable

Red-Nosed Parable

You know Dasher and Dancer and Prancer and Vixen, Comet and Cupid and Donder and Blitzen, but do you recall… ?“  

And of course, you do. Who could forget the most famous reindeer of all?  But do you know the story behind the song?

In 1939, Montgomery Ward, a major retail store, asked one of its copywriters, Bob May, to write a Christmas story as a gift for the children visiting Santa in their stores. May was going through a particularly difficult time in his life. His wife was dying from cancer and their four-year-old daughter was confused about why her mother who was unlike other mothers and could not play with her. 

May recalled his own childhood, when he had been smaller than the other boys and clumsy at sports, and created another outsider -- a reindeer with a glowing red nose. In May’s story, Rudolph’s parents loved and encouraged him, but his peers taunted him because he was different. Of course, his oddity saved Santa on that famous foggy night. May’s daughter loved Rudolph and so did the thousands of children who visited Santa that year at Montgomery Ward. 

May’s wife died and he was left with huge medical bills. He asked Montgomery Ward for the copyright to his story -- and in the most unbelievable part of this story -- they gave it to him.  Rudolph became an even bigger phenomenon when May’s brother-in-law Johnny Marks put the story to music and the great Gene Autry recorded the song we all know and love. It became the second most recorded holiday song after White Christmas. What a story! 

Certainly a parable for us all, or rather, several parables. 

First, there’s the parable of the story. Bob May, a successful copywriter for a major business, never forgot how the taunting of his boyhood friends had made him feel even smaller and clumsier than he was. He knew what it felt like to be different. He remembered how his parents supported him and realized that his lack of skill in sports may have focused his creative talents in other areas. Differences can be good. None of the other reindeer could guide Santa’s sleigh.

Then there’s the parable of the song. Johnny Marks first asked Bing Crosby, the most popular singer of the day, to record it. Bing said no. Dinah Shore, also extremely popular, turned him down as well. It was too childish, not the right image for either. So Marks asked Gene Autry, the “Singing Cowboy.” Gene took it home and played it for his wife. He was about to turn it down too, but his wife convinced him that it would be a great song for him. Taking a chance can lead to great rewards; Rudolph, the Red-Nosed Reindeer became Autry’s greatest hit.

Finally, there’s the parable of Montgomery Ward. The store commissioned the story with the sole object of making money. Enticing the kiddies into the store to see Santa raised sales. Six million copies had been given away by 1946. They made a lot of money and could have made a whole lot more with the success of the song. But in 1947 they gave the copyright back to Bob May so that he could pay the medical bills from his wife’s terminal illness. It is better to give than to receive. Montgomery Ward has long closed, but its legacy with Rudolph continues.

Bob May lived comfortably on the royalties from his story and song until his death in 1976.  Rudolph lives on, teaching us every holiday season that it is good to be different and that, on the foggy nights in our lives, we can look for a light to guide us.

By doing something to help others, like writing a story that enthralls children, or a composing a song that brings joy, or giving to someone in need, we too, can go down in history. 

Get Out of Line

Get Out of Line

This article is rated PG  -1.

When I was young, my mother sat me down to tell me a story from her school days. When she was in high school, a group of boys trapped her in the cloak room, pushed her up against the wall, and, as she put it, attempted to “manhandle” her. Luckily, she had the courage to defend herself. She commanded them to stop and to leave her alone. She was left unhurt but humiliated.  Almost seventy years later, she remembers this incident as if it were yesterday.

           

This story comes to mind every time I hear a report of sexual assault in the news. Recently, a case at a major university has caught the attention of the media. College students, people smart enough to pass exams and wealthy enough to pay tuition, still think that it is “fun” to assault a helpless person. The details chill the bones. But the most disturbing part of this report is that this is not an isolated incident. Sexual assault is pervasive in our society.

Statistics tell us that one out of every six women has been a victim of an attempted or completed rape in her lifetime. One out of seven men has experienced a violent sexual attack. In America today, more than 20 million people carry the scars of sexual assault. Many of these are children. That means every one of us knows someone who has been the victim of sexual violence – or has been or will be a victim.

This is not a topic we like to visit. Many who have been assaulted carry such shame that they will not report or even speak about their assault. The violence of the attack colors the rest of their lives, affecting their relationships with their families and cohorts. Many suffer from PTSD.

When my mother told me her story, she said that we must talk about these things so that these attacks will cease.

So here’s my story.

When I was thirteen, some boys targeted a friend and me at the pool. They encircled us in the water, pulled us under and attempted, to put it nicely, to remove our swimsuits. Imagine this -- we were under water, feeling as if we were drowning, fighting off a group of attackers who were laughing and egging each other on. Luckily, we fought free and made it out of the pool -- unhurt, but humiliated. We told the lifeguard, a woman, about the attack, and she told us to stay out of the pool for the rest of the day. She said nothing to the boys.

We must tell our stories, and, more importantly, we must teach our children that sexual assault is not fun, it is not acceptable -- it is wrong, criminal, and disgusting. Unbelievably, college students who have either participated in assaults or who have witnessed them, defend themselves by saying that this is “all part of the game.” The goal is to “score.” How you do it is up to you.  

What game will your children be playing? Will they be the “winners” or the “losers?” Which side do you want them to be on? How can you stop them from playing on either side? 

Some years ago, a high school girl went to a party. She drank too much, and her sports hero boyfriend thought it might be cool to offer her to some of his friends. As she laid in a stupor, five other sports heroes lined up to “have some fun” with her. Others watched. When the report of this assault became public, the story was big news. Some felt that the boys were “just being boys.” Some said that the girl didn’t have “such a great reputation” herself.  I had only one question for both sides: Would your child get in that line?

Get them out of line. Tell them your stories. Teach them to respect the sanctity of human life. No laws, no government interventions, no guidance counselors will stop assaults until parents teach their children that this is wrong.

This article is rated PG (negative)1. Don’t wait until your children are 13 before offering parental guidance. Before you even decide to have children, decide to teach them right and wrong. No one should ever have to tell another story of sexual assault, bullying, or coercion.

Have the courage my mother had.

Make them stop.

Lions, Nonna!

“Lions, Nonna!”

When she was four-years-old, my granddaughter enjoyed watching the nature channel. One Saturday, we got a worried call: “Daddy told me that you and Grandpop are going to visit Auntie in Africa,” she said. “Did you know there are dragons there?” She went on to tell me that although these dragons were very small, she thought they might breathe fire. I assured her that we would wear sturdy shoes and watch our step. 

Dragons, I thought. Something a child would worry about.  I was more worried about clean drinking water and bathroom facilities. Our daughter, in Namibia where she was serving in the Peace Corps, had assured us that she had a latrine. Asked to describe it, she had said, “Spacious.” This was not the adjective I hoped to hear. But dragons were real for our granddaughter. She knew her fairy tales. She was truly concerned.

Kids worry about a lot of things. When I was teaching I often had to soothe ruffled nerves about things adults would not think twice about. Thunderstorms topped the trauma list.  Boomers could start a rolling hysteria in a primary classroom. Flickering lights caused shrieks. I bravely battled many a bee that buzzed into our room. A bug in the sink was a real freak-out for all. 

Mechanical things scare kids too. Escalators rise from subterranean depths and disappear again into the floor. Could a little foot or little person be pulled inside also? A whirring blender makes a great milkshake but looks too much like a tornado in a bottle for comfort. Lawnmowers, fans, revolving doors and motorcycles jangle the nerves of our little friends.

Adults sometime attempt to push past the fears of children.  

“Come on,” they say, “that little dog won’t hurt you.”

“That slide isn’t so high. Just get on, you’ll enjoy it!”

“This water isn’t so deep.  Hold your nose and jump.”

“ Give Aunt Gertrude a kiss.”

Kids balk and cling. Many don’t even want to admit that they are frightened.

Fear isn’t cool.

Do you remember when you took your first ride on your new two-wheeler? Wasn’t it great to have those training wheels that held you up? Remember the day you decided to take them off and how your mom or dad ran alongside while you pedaled furiously and pleaded, “Don’t let go!” 

Good parents don’t let go. They stay close until you lose your fear, until you are confident enough to take off on your own. They don’t push you; they hold you up. 

           

A few minutes after I hung up that Saturday, my granddaughter called back. “I just saw that they have big snakes in Africa.” Our daughter had told us about the scary green snake that had slithered into her hut. I told the little sweetie that we knew about the snakes and, that since we were visiting Africa in winter, we didn’t think we would see too many. Silently I added, “I hope!” I thanked her for wanting to take such good care of us. She seemed satisfied and, after passing the phone to her father, went back to her show. 

           

Suddenly, I heard her shriek “Lions, Nonna!”

Mind the Gap

Mind the Gap

I was sitting with two of my little friends reading a fable called “The King and His Gold.” In this story, a greedy king is crossing a river with a big bag of gold in his hands. He looks down and sees another king with a big bag of gold and thinks, “If only I had his gold, I would be doubly rich!” He reaches for the other king’s gold and drops his bag into the river. As the gold disappears, so does the other king, who was only his own reflection. The moral of the story is “It is foolish to be greedy.”

Both my little friends enjoyed and understood the story, but when I asked them some questions, I noticed a difference in how they responded.

When I asked the first little girl if there really was a king in the river, she said “No, it was him.” When I asked the second the same question, she responded “No, it was just the king’s reflection.” Both understood the story, but the second used more precise words to answer. This held true for all of the other questions I asked.

Researchers have found a “vocabulary gap” between children from upper socioeconomic status (SES) homes and children from lower socioeconomic status homes. One study showed that, at the age of three, children of college-educated parents had much larger vocabularies than the children of less-educated parents. On average, the children of high-SES parents hear 382 words an hour, while children raised in lower SES homes hear 215 fewer an hour. In a month, that meant a difference of about 20,000 words (assuming 4 hours a day of interaction). That’s a lot of words.

Not only do these children hear more words, they also hear more different words. Since their parents have larger vocabularies and are more likely to use more complete syntax (the structure of sentences), their children will be more likely to know more words and know how to use them to communicate. Studies have also shown that parents in higher SES groups are more likely to use gestures to punctuate speech. Pointing to objects and illustrating meaning with gestures help young children build meaning.

This “vocabulary gap” once established is hard to rectify. This gap may be evident as early as 18 months -- putting lower SES children at a disadvantage from preschool through high school. Vocabulary is a key predictor for school success. Children who begin school with smaller vocabularies may never catch up. 

So what’s to be done? Obviously, parents need to talk with their children -- and to one another. Parents are models for language usage. Start early!  Engage your infants in conversation. Read to them. Get a library card. (Librarians hold story hours for children as young as two.) Make reading together a daily routine. Help other children too --volunteering to read with young children helps the children build their vocabularies and is a lot of fun to boot!

So share your words. Talk to the children you know. Sing with them. Read to them. That king with the bag of gold might as well have had a bag full of words. If he had shared them with that other king, both would have been richer.

The moral holds: it is never good to be greedy.