The Law of the Table

The Law of the Table

I spent a week as a camp counselor last summer. Spending a week with a group of seven to nine-year-olds can be challenging, but is also great fun. Before camp begins counselors receive training. Much of this training deals with sensitive issues, such as dealing with children who have troubles at home, children who may be homesick or campers who may be, shall we say, a bit too enthusiastic. But one area of training was a bit surprising; helping children learn to eat at a table.

When I was growing up, my family spent a good hour every evening eating dinner. We conversed, argued, and enjoyed one another’s company. My father often recited epic poems he had memorized long ago in school. He said, “I had to learn them and I sure am going to use them.” So we listened and learned. We also learned good table manners so that our meals would be more pleasant. 

         

Today’s children live in a much different world. Which family can afford to spend an entire hour sharing a meal? It’s more likely that Johnny is running out the door to soccer practice, Jenny is still at band, Mom has rushed in with some ready-to-eat meal and Dad is emptying the dishwasher so that everyone will have a clean fork. We live in a rush-rush world and we eat rush-rush meals.

Dr. Frank Crane, the essayist who has been inspiring my columns this year, wrote what he called, the Ten Commandments of the Table. These were not “for the feast when guests are present, nor the formal dinner, but more especially for the family.” Here are some of them.

1.    Bring with you a cheerful mind. Grumpy faces and angry voices do not belong at the family table. A daily dose of humor and good spirits keeps you healthy. As Dr. Crane says, “A serene soul is the best aid to digestion.”

2.    Don’t read. Or text or read your email. Focus on your family. Electronic devices are a lot better at waiting than a child with a great story to tell or a spouse who needs a sympathetic ear. “Mealtimes ought to be a sacrament of love.”

3.    Converse: Mealtimes are a great time to practice the art of conversation. A friend of mine keeps a deck of topic cards at the table. Dr. Crane’s commandments: Don’t criticize. Don’t argue. Be light and agreeable.

4.    Don’t hurry: Enjoy the process of eating. Savor the flavors. Enjoy the company. 

5.    Neglect no one at the table: “Encourage everyone to share in the conversation.” Imagine the insights you may be missing when a shy soul is afraid to join the conversation. “Aim to increase every one’s self-respect.”

6.    Laugh: “One good laugh is worth many medicines.” Tell jokes. Share funny stories. Sing an old song. Ben Franklin said, “Trouble knocked at the door, but hearing laughter, hurried away.”

7.    Avoid Satiety: This is a great reminder that we should eat to live, not live to eat. Don’t eat or drink too much. Savor each bite. Eat for health.

8.    Be thankful: Remember those who supplied the meal. A thankful heart is a happy heart, and probably a healthy one too.

We enjoyed our campers at meals -- once we got them to sit down and learn that mealtimes could be as much fun as fishing or hiking. Dr. Crane says that courteous meals, “sweeten the day, improve the atmosphere, and [are] points of spiritual as well as physical refreshment.” Meals provide refreshment in many ways. Take the time to enjoy them all.