Lose the Tube, Boob

TV and its connection to the tendency toward violence has been in the news lately. Here is an article I wrote a long time ago about how I learned about responsible TV viewing.

      My three-year-old daughter and I kept a pretty strict schedule. After seeing everyone off, we cleaned up the kitchen, dressed, and straightened up the bedrooms. My daughter then watched Sesame Street and Mr. Rogers. Since she did not nap, this was her downtime. These were the only shows she was allowed to watch. I did the usual house chores and sometimes sat with her and watched -- I do love Fred.

Soon it was playtime. We played games and read until noon. We enjoyed a leisurely lunch until 1:00. Then my child retired to her bedroom for an hour of toddler play and I cleaned up the kitchen and did paperwork. I also watched my one and only soap opera.

My grandmother had been watching this particular soap for twenty years and we had all fallen into the pattern of watching it too.  I thought it was harmless, until one day, my daughter and I got off schedule.

           
For some reason, we were late getting to lunch one afternoon. We sat down at 1:00.  I wanted to keep up with the soap, so I brought a TV into the kitchen and switched it on. My daughter chewed her sandwich and looked thoughtfully at the screen as the soap hunks and divas did their thing. Suddenly, she sat up straight and pointed. 

          “Mommy,” she shouted. “There’s that bad boy Tad!”

I was shocked. She not only knew the character’s name but also that he had a pretty rotten reputation.  How?  I wondered. She had never been in the room when I watched. I took one look at her, and one look at the screen, and turned it off – for good.

Children today spend a lot of time staring at screens. You know the statistics.  We’ve heard how many murders, violent acts, and sexual situations children are exposed to each week. Thousands of advertisements bombard them with each cartoon. But just how are our children influenced by what they see?

Experts have many opinions. Some say TV has no effect on children. Others argue, “It does too.” Who are these experts? Which children are they studying? Yours? Mine? They never asked me, but I’d bet any of them that I am the chief expert in studying my own children.

I noticed early on that my boys, who watched Saturday morning cartoons, wanted many of the toys they saw advertised. I made it a habit to sit with them and question each commercial. Did that toy really fly? How fast did those cars really go? Before long, they were pretty good at judging toys and understood how few lived up to their promises.

By the time my daughter came along I had wised up. Poor deprived child only watched educational TV and very little of that. She never even saw a commercial. Yet even she knew what happened on the soap. My watching affected her. 

How else does screen time affect our kids? One of my friends had a little one who could not fall asleep before the wee hours of the morning. This poor kid went to kindergarten exhausted every morning, but every evening, he was raring to go. After trying everything, the weary parents asked their wise pediatrician. His prescription surprised them all: no food after 6:00 and no TV after 5:00 – for anybody! Whoa! The whole family had to give up TV. How would they fill their evening? It was rough, but the kid was worth it, so they quit. Within three weeks, peace reigned. The little sweetheart fell asleep by 8:00. Mom and Dad rediscovered conversation and board games. They got more sleep too and felt great.

 Why did the doctor nix the tube? His theory, corroborated by later brain studies, was that the flickering screen stimulated the child’s brain not allowing him to calm down for many hours after it was turned off. Our eyes don’t perceive this flicker, but our brains do.

Small children have a hard time discriminating between fantasy and reality. I have had many arguments with little ones who were sure that something they saw on TV was real. One even argued that dead people could get up and live again because he saw one do it on TV. “He was really dead too!”

So what if someone gets shot? She’ll turn up good as new on the next episode. Problems always get solved in no more than an hour. Children whose parents mistreat them or get divorced are sure to reform before the last commercial. Police, parents, and teachers are just a bunch of jerks keeping kids from having any real fun. Ask any TV teen.

Does TV violence affect children? There were six kids in my family. I asked my brother recently if he ever remembers us all running around the house bopping each other and screaming.  “Of course not,” he replied.  “Mom and Dad would never have put up with that.” Yet kids see this all the time on TV.

Mr. Rogers once got an award.  During his acceptance speech, he appealed to the television industry to be more responsible in programming. He related the story of a thirteen-year-old boy who had kidnapped and killed an eight-year-old. When asked why, the youth replied that he had seen it on TV and thought it looked like something new to do.

I didn’t wait for the TV industry to become more responsible.  I turned off that soap and never turned it on again. It wasn’t easy, but my child was worth it.

Why don’t you give your family a screen break? Turn off the TV. Limit computer use. Teach your kids to watch responsibly. Lose the boob tube and save a great kid – yours.

From Hate to Love

February is African American History Month and every February I taught my children about many heroes of American history who influenced the way our country looks and acts today. Freedom fighters such as Frederick Douglas, Harriet Tubman, John Adams, Abraham Lincoln, and Benjamin Franklin abhorred the “peculiar institution” of slavery, "the cancer" that threatened to destroy our Union and deny the words of the Declaration of Independence that “all men are created equal.” Brave men and women such as Zora Hurston, George Washington Carver, Thurgood Marshall, Martin Luther King, Jr., Rosa Parks, and Jackie Robinson proved that all people, when given the chance, can and will succeed. These men and women helped our country achieve the greatness envisioned by our Founding Fathers.

The children are very impressed by these heroes. But one person impresses them more than any other, not because of her accomplishments or writings or fame, but because she was a child, just like they are, a hero who was six years old. 

Ruby Bridges was chosen as the first African American child to integrate William Franz Elementary School in New Orleans. Her parents were proud and nervous about this honor. They knew the opposition Ruby would face. But Ruby didn’t know. She trusted her parents and always did what her momma and daddy told her. She sat beside them in church while they prayed for Ruby to be a good girl and “hold her head up high and be a credit to her own people and a credit to all the American people.”

When Ruby walked up the steps of her school that first day in 1960, a large crowd of angry faces greeted her. Screaming horrible words, shaking their fists, and holding signs proclaiming “Whites Only” the protesters showed Ruby their hatred. But Ruby walked right by, shadowed by the National Guardsmen who had been appointed by the President to protect her. She looked so small in her flouncy school dress and hair ribbons.  

When Ruby stepped inside, the shouts of the crowd followed her. Her teacher, Mrs. Henry, greeted her. Ruby liked her right away. Ruby was the only child in the class and she and Mrs. Henry read, played games, solved problems, and jumped rope together. Ruby remembered what her momma told her and always said “Yes, ma’am” and “No, ma’am.” Mrs. Henry liked Ruby too and wondered how Ruby could seem so happy after walking by that screaming mob.

A young psychiatrist Dr. Robert Coles was curious about the little girl who passed so deliberately through the jeering crowd. He asked permission to talk to her and her family to see what effect this experience was having on such an impressionable child. He talked to Ruby and her parents and found out how important their faith was to them and how this faith was helping them in this ordeal.  

One morning, as Ruby was walking through the crowd of parents gathered outside the school she stopped and faced the crowd. The screaming intensified as Ruby paused, then turned and entered the building. Her teacher asked her why she had spoken to them.   Ruby got angry. She said she hadn’t been talking to them. Her parents and the guards had warned her not to and she always obeyed.

 “Ruby,” Mrs. Henry insisted, “I saw you talking.  I saw your lips moving.” 

 “I wasn’t talking,” said Ruby. “I was praying for them.”  

Dr. Robert Coles asked Ruby,  "What prayer did you say?" 

Ruby told him, "Please, God, forgive these people because even if they say those mean things they don't know what they're doing. So You can forgive them just like You did those folks a long time ago when they said terrible things about You."

Yes, the children are very impressed with Ruby’s story.  Ruby obeyed her parents.  She didn’t hate people who shouted at her, even though they hated her, because every day when she entered school, her teacher treated her with love and respect.  

Ruby returned hate with love. She was a little kid, just like my students, but she changed the world.

My Funny Valentine

My Funny Valentine

Valentine’s Day is a special holiday for me. Who wouldn’t love a holiday that encourages love and giving? It’s especially sweet for me because for many years I taught second grade and elementary school children are full of love and eager to give it away. I’ve received many beautiful, carefully chosen, or hand-made Valentines over the years. I’ve appreciated the love behind each and every one, but one Valentine stands out among the lace and doilies.

  
Angel was not what her name would lead you to believe. Feisty, Noisy, or Rambunctious might have been more apt monikers. Wiry and willful, Angel hovered in my classroom, keeping careful distance from the other children and me. Angel had less than the other children and knew it. Trendy lunch boxes and designer jeans speak volumes to those carrying paper bags and wearing hand-me-down sneakers.

As Valentine’s Day approached, we made our mail boxes and passed out our list. The children dropped broad hints about the beautiful Valentines they were buying or making. Angel listened as some described lace and flowers and others giggled over riddles and rhymes. A few asked me for red and pink construction paper to take home to help with a special surprise. They traced hearts and made cards for their parents.

Valentine’s Day arrived and the children wiggled waiting for the party to begin. At story time, we gathered at the carpet, the children begging me to open the Valentines in my box. One by one, I reached into the box, slit open the envelopes and read the cards aloud. Each child beamed as I thanked him or her for the card. I noticed that Angel had crept closer to me than usual. As my box got emptier, Angel scooted up almost into my lap.

Reaching into the box, I felt no more envelopes. But something was still inside. I pulled it out and held it up. It was a Valentine all right, but the strangest one I had ever seen. It was a paper heart but it was neither pink nor red, but white with blue and black writing all over it. I must have had a strange look on my face because Angel spoke up.

          “Do you like it? I made it myself.”

I said of course I liked it and thanked Angel for the heart. Angel went on, “I asked my mom for some paper to make Valentines but she said that we didn’t have any red or pink so I made some from paper she said she didn’t need anymore.”

I looked closely at the paper heart. The writing was mostly numbers. I turned the heart over and read, “To my teacher, Love, Angel,” written in pencil under big blue letters reading Telephone Company. Angel had cut her Valentine hearts from the family’s telephone bill. I looked up into a more heavenly smile than ever graced any celestial palace.

Yes, Valentine’s Day is my favorite holiday. Violets and roses, Cupids and hearts sweeten our classroom and our spirits. And every year, when I open my February folder, I take out one funny Valentine and remember one very special Angel.

Heroes

I started thinking about heroes again this morning.  I have my definition of a hero -- someone who helps others. Mr. Rogers is my definition of a hero. What is your definition? Who is or what makes a hero? I await your comments!