Life's Not Fair

Life’s Not Fair

    Teaching is a twenty-four hour a day job. An effective teacher reflects on each aspect of her teaching in every waking moment of her life. She reflects while driving to and from school. She ponders while cooking dinner, doing the laundry and mopping the floor. She even wakes up at three in the morning to agonize over a bad choice or remember a precious moment.

When I began teaching, I thought I was going to be teaching lessons to students. As the years went by, I very wisely switched to teaching children, not lessons. I tried to find out just what these particular children needed and to provide it for them in the way it will be most beneficial to them.    

I learned as many lessons as I have taught. Some were school lessons. Students amaze me with their creativity, insights and leaps of understanding. They are artists, poets and mathematicians. They take risks. They want to learn.

Some were life lessons. Students reach out to others who are hurting, confused or angry. They cheer each other on in challenging tasks, congratulate a winner and console a loser. They pat a shoulder. They share a smile. They put their hearts into all they do and they try and try and try. They are full of surprises. 

Sammy and Jay were always in trouble. They spent more time in the principal’s office than on the playground.   They sat right behind the bus driver. Every teacher knew their names.

Both these guys had been late comers to my little community. Both had learning issues and both had tough little lives. They never stopped talking and they never sat still. I said their names a hundred times a day. They just about wore me out. But one day, Sammy and Jay taught me a lesson I will never forget.

We were standing in line ready to head for the playground. It was a really hot day and I had promised the children that if we finished all our work, we would go out for extra recess and ice pops. They had worked hard and we were ready for our treat. I sent a messenger down to retrieve the ice pops I had put in the freezer.  

At home that morning, I had counted out just enough ice pops for the class throwing in one more for good measure. But when my messenger returned with the bag, it felt a little light. I stopped and counted. We were one ice pop short. 

    “Oh no,” I thought. “What am I going to do?  I turned to the kids fidgeting in line and said, “We have a problem, boys and girls. We are one ice pop short. If we are going to have ice pops today, someone is going to have to share.”

There was a nervous shuffling. Everyone wanted a whole ice pop.    

In the back of the line, I noticed a small motion. Slowly, Sammy raised his hand. 

The children looked relieved, but I had to clarify, “It’s nice of you to volunteer Sammy, but we need someone else who will be willing to split the ice pop with you.” 

Heads turned and nervous muttering arose. Then, Jay raised his hand.    

Those two raised hands stand tall in my memories. And when three a.m. rolls around, and I start worrying, I review moments like this and slip into sweeter dreams. 

           

           

The Cold Hard Floor

The Cold Hard Floor 

One of my little friends was telling me about her baby brother.  It seems he had reached the age, all of three, when he now had to take responsibility for his actions. 

“Now he has to take the consequences when he breaks the rules,” she said. 

“Oh,” I said, “what does that mean?” 

“Well, the last time, he had to sit on the cold, hard floor,” and here she paused dramatically, “with Mommy and talk about what he had done.”

Wow, I thought, what a consequence. Having to sit down and discuss how and why he broke the rules, and on the cold hard floor. Now, I know this child’s home and the cold hard floor is actually a very nice hardwood floor in a lovely playroom loaded with toys. Hardly the prison floor one imagines. And I know this Mommy, who has very well thought out and consistent rules. And I know this baby brother. He needs a lot of reiteration and discussion of rules. So the punishment definitely fit the crime.

           

What struck me most about this report was the part where Mommy sat on the floor with our little culprit. Mommy was right down there on that cold hard floor. Mommy needed to be there, you know, because Mommy not only set the rules but also is responsible for the following of those rules. Mommy has to take the consequences for baby brother’s actions too.     

           

Let’s say that baby brother, let’s call him B.B. from now on, didn’t follow the rules. Let’s say that Mommy let B.B. forget the rules and follow his inclinations. B.B. would not be a very welcome student or friend in the future. Parental discipline is an important building block for self-discipline which is the cornerstone of success in life. 

Should B.B. continue on his merry rule-flaunting ways, he will suffer; all around him will suffer, Mommy and Daddy most of all. I have heard it said that while parents cannot be responsible for their children, they are responsible to their children. This means that it is a parent’s job to teach, guide and correct so that the child knows right from wrong and does take the responsibility for his or her actions. This means sitting down on the cold hard floor with them.

A parenting proverb states, “Discipline doesn’t break a child’s spirit half as often as the lack of it breaks a parent’s heart.” Mommy had to be there on the floor so she will be there when B.B. stands tall and proud after achieving goals for which he has worked hard. Mommy will be there when others compliment him on his good manners. Mommy will be there when he thanks her for doing such a great job rearing him, teaching him the rules so that he could grow up and be someone.

Mommy will be there when he sits down on the floor with his children and teaches them the rules. And Mommy won’t think that floor was cold or hard at all because her heart will be warm. 

To Sleep, Perchance to Succeed

To Sleep Perchance to Succeed

In my classroom I had a rule:  If someone one falls asleep, let him sleep! Before you assume that my teaching had a soporific effect on my students, let me assure you that second grade is a very exciting place. But sometimes, a little one is so weary that she needs forty winks to recharge.  So my policy is “Let sleeping children sleep.”

Children need their sleep. In today’s high-powered society, even second-graders are over-scheduled and stressed.  Soccer games, piano lessons, karate, horseback riding, and scouts clutter up a “prepubescent professional’s” agenda, not to mention school and homework.  Many are so busy that they need an organizer app. Sleep time gets lost to TV, video games and the Internet.  Rising at dawn to dress, breakfast and race to daycare, many kids start out the day jet-lagged. 

         

As these youngsters grow, their schedules only clutter up more. Band practice, sports practice, chorus, and club meetings demand time from teens. Many also take jobs to cover the high cost of fashionable clothing and car insurance. High school starts early and after-school activities eat up a lot of time. Especially if you are trying to look “well-rounded” for those college recruiters or working towards a sports scholarship, so naturally, something’s got to give. And too many times it is sleep.

         

Experts (such as my mother) tell us that kids need sleep. Young children need ten to twelve hours of sleep a day to function properly. Teens need eight to ten hours. According to the National Sleep Foundation, many students lose at least two of these necessary sleep hours to school activities, jobs and TV. 

         

Lack of sleep results in inattentiveness and can lead to serious health problems.  According to Dr, Carl Hunt of The National Institute of Health, “A tired child is an accident waiting to happen. Injuries on bicycles and playground equipment are more likely to occur when a child is sleep-deprived and if poor sleeping habits continue as kids grow older….. It turns into the teenager who is drowsy and driving a car.”

         

Research links poor sleeping habits to obesity and heart and respiratory ailments.

Attention Deficit Disorder (ADD), depression, and poor grades also have ties to inadequate sleep. International educational consultant, David A. Sousa, in his research on Brain-Based learning states that, “Adequate sleep is vital to the memory storage process, especially for young learners.”

         

Research aside; every parent knows that a tired child is not a pleasant child. My mother always told me that I needed my sleep. And she was right. During weeks at camp when I went to bed at midnight and woke at dawn, I was always physically ill by Thursday -- and I was the camp director. The kids did little better than I did with trips to the nurse multiplying as the week continued. And boy was I cranky! Any little problem became a BIG problem when I looked at it with sleepy eyes.

         

When adults get tired, they slow down. But when kids get tired they speed up. A child who looks like she is running on a full tank at midnight really ran out of gas at eight and is running on fumes. Kids lose focus and judgment when they get tired. They don’t think they need sleep.  And when the kids don’t sleep, parents lose rest too.

         

So my prescription is put them to bed. Establish a bedtime routine, stick to it and get those kids some rest. They may fight it, but they need it. I’d like my students to stay awake and have tons of fun. I want them to do it with a joyful, fully focused spirit and a great big smile on their faces. And I’d like to find just as many happy parents waiting at home, well rested and ready for the next child-rearing challenge to come their way. Believe me; you’ll need to meet it with your eyes wide open.

         

           

         

Pre-cautions

Pre-cautions

Crack! While taking a walk in a wonderful wooded park with our grandchildren, we were startled when we heard what sounded like gunshots. Frantically grabbing the kids and scanning the woods, we saw a great tree breathe its last and crash to the ground. As our heartbeats returned to normal and the kids “Awwwed” and “Wowed,” we thanked our lucky stars that we had not been standing under that tree.

Sometimes, it is hard to locate danger.  We had taken all the precautions necessary for a walk in the woods. We were wearing good hiking shoes, carried water bottles, and wore sunscreen, but we had never thought about having a giant tree fall on our heads on a windless day in the sunshine.

Parents take a lot of precautions for their children. Before the baby is even born, they child-proof the house, buy the very best of car seats, and read everything they can about non-toxic child rearing. The house is safe, the car is safe, the clothes and food are organic. But parents can’t plan for everything. Hidden dangers lurk.

Before very long, babies meet a noisy member of the family, the box that sits in the corner bringing the world into the house, the TV set. This member of the family exposes the baby to the values of the world. What is this member teaching your child?

Responsible parents take precautions with TV shows. They don’t allow their children to watch violent shows or shows for “mature audiences.” What about the programs they do watch. What precautions have you taken there?

Think about it. What are the shows your children watch teaching them about life? About what it means to be a man or a woman? Are they learning that men are unfaithful or inconsiderate husbands? Are the dads more interested in drinking or sports than the needs of their families? Are the women focused on fashion and sexuality or on responsibility and social consciousness?

What do teens learn from the shows which target them? Is the show really about the joy of singing with a group or about making sexual conquests? Is the purpose of high school to prepare to be a seductress or to be a graduate with a future? Do the kids on these shows ever study or help out at home? Are they focused on themselves or on becoming contributing members of society? What do they learn about greed, goodness, evil, tolerance and pride?

Some folks say, “Oh, the kids know that the shows are fantasy. They understand that this is not real life.” Just like they understand why they must clean up their rooms, practice the piano, flush the toilet every time, wash their hands before they eat, and wear clean underwear every day. What may be evident to adults may be hidden from immature and impressionable minds.

So before taking that walk in the woods, or letting your child watch TV, wander on the Internet, or join Facebook, take precautions. Check it out first. Find out what safety measures you can take. Don’t let your children wander alone. Watch TV with them. Discuss the situations presented. Remind them that profanity and rule-breaking are not solutions. Spend time knowing what they know. Not every risk can be averted, but there are many for which we can prepare.

Luckily, the tree did not fall on us. We didn’t get sunburned, stub our toes, or get dehydrated. Be as prepared as you can and keep an eye on the horizon – and on what your kids are watching.

Healing Touches

Healing Touches

 

“Ow,ow,ow,ow,ow!” My three-year-old grandson comes running.  I scoop him up and wipe the tears from his cheeks. 

“I pinched my finger,” he cries. 

“Let Nonna kiss it better,” I say. A quick hug and a few kisses and he skips off to play.

How simple; a few loving touches and the world is rosy again. Remember those days with your little ones? Mommy or Daddy kiss it and make it all better.  Complete comfort and healing available 24/7. 

Elementary teachers continue this healing service.  A stubbed toe or a skinned knee is fixed with a quick hug or a few loving shoulder pats. Sometimes the nurse may get involved adding a few professional words and a kind smile. But as children grow, parents and teachers start preparing them for the “cold, cruel world,” where hugs and kisses may not solve all of their problems.  

Sure, there are still comforting words and shared smiles (sometimes shared tears,) but we begin to train children to become more independent. Now we may, after a few comforting words, add, “Why don’t you go wash your bruise and get a drink. I am sure you will be fine.” More and more we hand over the band-aid rather than apply it. We tell them to wait a few minutes to see if it feels better and let us know later. We ask them to take responsibility, to grow up a bit, to detach.  

In this country, independence is highly valued. We began with a declaration of just that, independence for our country and for all of its citizens. It’s a virtue to which we aspire. How many media stories of an individual pulling himself up by his own bootstraps, striking out on her own, building up a business, or an empire have you heard?   

What about all those great “up close and personal” profiles we see during sporting events.  We encourage our children, to become independent of us as they grow. How else will they learn to take care of themselves?  

Independence is a good thing. Can you imagine the line outside the nurse’s office if every bump and bruise required professional help?  Kids learn to “self-comfort,” to assess the hurt and take care of it themselves.  But must we lose all those consoling moments, those loving pats and shared smiles?  

One spring, our second grade classes went to a Veteran’s Medical Center to perform a few songs and poems. After an exciting bus ride, we walked into a ward full of patients, some in wheelchairs, some snoozing or wandering about. We had prepared the students to expect an audience of men and women who had been wounded physically, emotionally or mentally during service to our country.  

We also told them that we would greet the veterans, talk to them and perhaps shake a few hands. This can be scary for little people; meeting any adult is intimidating.

After the show, while we were enjoying our juice and cookies, one sweetie came up to me and said, “I thought you said we were going to greet the soldiers.”  

“Let’s go,” I said. We walked around, said hello and shook a few hands.  

“Let’s get some more kids,” my little friend said. He invited a few of his classmates to join him. When they acted shy, he said, “Come on, I’ll show you how it’s done.” Before long, kids and veterans were sharing handshakes, smiles and even a few friendly shoulder pats.  

When we walked out of that ward, new friends waved and smiled.  A few loving touches and the world brightened. Independence gave my little friend the courage to reach out, but those loving touches helped him connect. 

Let’s not give them up.