Who will your children be?
In my parenting career, I made many mistakes. I could enumerate them here, but I am sure it would be a lot faster just to refer you to the list my daughter kept. I’m sure she keeps it close at hand – just in case I need reminding. My sons may have their own lists but they probably can’t find them. (Just a joke, guys!)
I do have a few excuses for my errors. When I married my darling husband, he came with a family ready-made. Since I was a very young bride (my husband always says he married me before I was born. (Isn’t he sweet?) I didn’t know too much about mothering. Sure, I was the oldest of six and had had practical experience with changing diapers and washing faces, but I had little practice in the more important aspects of parenting, such as comforting hurt feelings, encouraging exploration, or listening to dreams.
By the time my daughter joined the family, I was a bit more experienced but just realizing what a big responsibility parenting actually was. I still made many mistakes (see list – probably available on social media). I am sure I didn’t listen closely enough, pay enough attention to the really important things, and had many more requirements than were welcome (Note: piano lessons and cleaning room).
I freely admit that I was not the parent of my children’s dreams. I am not exactly sure who that might be, but I am sure that no actual children have ever been attached to them. There are no model parents -- just as there are no model children. Thankfully, my children grew up to be wonderful people, and they are now wonderful parents. I think this is because of one thing my husband and I did right. Even while we made mistakes, we remained authentic.
What is an authentic parent? One who models the person she wants her child to grow up to be. If you want your children to be responsible, caring, hard-working, kind, and trustworthy, be responsible, caring, hard-working, kind, and trustworthy. Children always learn more from your actions than from your words.
Our children saw us work through hard times while holding the family together. They saw us losing loved ones and going on. They saw us sharing our blessings and mourning our sorrows. They understood that, while life was not a bed of roses, the scent is never lost when you hold onto faith, hope and love.
Decide who you want your child to be, then be that person. This is really the only type of model parent you can be for your children. If you want children to be polite, be polite. If you want your children to value education, value education. If you want your children to call you when they move away, call your own parents. If you want them to work to better the world, work to better the world.
Model making good choices. Model loving your spouse. Model loving your kids. Be authentic. Set the example. Be the best person you can be, and hope that your children will follow your lead. They may still keep a list of your mistakes, but they will be happy to shred it in the light of the model you have set. Mistakes fade in the light of love.
