The Conversation

We were in reading group.  We had been writing letters to our partner school in Namibia, Africa. We had looked at maps and photos of the learners there and were now writing thank you notes for some gifts they had sent us. One of my students had actually been to South Africa, the country directly south of Namibia, and he and some of the others were discussing the pictures of our African friends. I was editing another student’s letter when I overheard the following: 

They wear uniforms in their school.

Yeah, and they don’t wear shoes.

 Their skin is really dark. Are they black? 

Some people in South Africa call them colored.

Do they like that? 

 I don’t know. But if it were me, I think I’d like to be called by my name.

There’s an old song from the musical “South Pacific” called “You Have to Be Carefully Taught.” The song states that parents teach children to be prejudiced. Hour after hour, day after day, children are taught to judge others by the color of their skin, their disabilities, their nationalities, and the language they speak, not by the content of their characters, as Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. dreamed.    

My students, as children often do, had struck right to the heart of the matter. All people have the right to be recognized for their individual humanness. People don’t want to be labeled; they want to be called by name. Isn’t it wonderful to hear someone call your name in love?

This conversation impressed me. My students are only seven and eight years old. They don’t have much life experience. A trip to Africa is a rarity for young children. Somehow, thanks to their parents’ teaching, they realized a great truth; calling people by name not only honors them but also communicates the respect we must have for each other if we are to get along in this diverse but wonderful world.

Our partner school in Namibia has over seven hundred students and, although the official language is English, most people still speak their village language. We don’t know which of these many learners will be able to read our letters. We don’t know their names. 

But my students do know one very important thing. When I asked them how we should address our letters, every one of them confidently called out, Dear Friend.

Now I Understand

Now I Understand

Our son, a chemical engineer, dedicated his doctoral thesis to “My parents who won’t understand a word of it.” His father objected, “I understood several, a, and, the…” 

New readers must master many skills: identifying sounds, connecting sounds to symbols, building vocabulary, and comprehending text. Comprehension involves accessing previous knowledge, understanding vocabulary and concepts, making inferences, and linking key ideas. Here are a few tips for parents who want to help their children increase reading comprehension.

1. Preview: Before reading a new book discuss the title and pictures. Previewing suggests vocabulary and the storyline which might be expected. “This story is called The Three Bears. What do you think it is about? Let’s look at the pictures for some clues. What kind of house is that? What foods do bears eat?”

2.  Predict: Look into your crystal ball. Before reading, help your child predict what might happen in the story. Use the title and pictures. When reading, stop to review what has happened, ask clarifying questions, verify previous predictions, and make new ones. “What will happen when the bears leave the door open?”

3. Compare: “How are the three bears different from/similar to other bears? Define fiction and nonfiction. Does this story remind you of any other stories — real or fictional?

4.  Review: Discuss story points during and after reading. “How did Goldie get into the house? What does she do inside?” After reading, ask your child for opinions, suggestions for other endings, likes, and dislikes. “What else might have happened when the bears found Goldie? Which part of the story did you like best? What made you happy (worried, angry, etc.)?”

5. Connect: Connect the story characters or events to your child’s life or other stories. “Do you remember when we left the garage door open all night? What did we find the next morning? A skunk! What else could happen when you leave a door unlocked? Do you know any other stories about someone going where they shouldn’t?”

6. Map. Ask questions about the characters, setting, plot, problems, and solutions in the story. “Where did the three bears live? What was it like there? Who was in this story? How would you describe Goldie(the bears)? What happened before Goldie came by? How did Goldie get into the house? What did Goldie do before the bears returned? What happened when they did? How do you think Goldie (or the bears) felt? How would you feel? What do you think Goldie (or the bears) learned? What else could have happened at the end of the story? Don’t overanalyze. Keep it fun. 

5.  Model: Good readers don’t fall far from the library. Parents who model the purposes and joys of reading have children who are more likely to read. Flaunt your library card! “If Mom and Dad enjoy reading so much, I want to do it too!” 

Make reading a BIG part of your lives. Share books and reading time. Help your child succeed at reading by making it a family affair. 

(This is the sixth in a series about reading success.)

Living in a VUCA World

Living in a VUCA World

In 1985, Madonna had a huge hit singing about a “material girl” living in a “material world.” Children today face a different challenge, living in a VUCA world — a world that is Volatile, Uncertain, Complex, and Ambiguous. A military term used to describe the unsettled world after the terrorist attacks in 2001, VUCA describes the chaotic times following a disrupting event, such as the recent pandemic and social unrest, in which anxiety rises to unprecedented and unrelenting heights. 

Anxiety, once intermittent, is now constant. According to the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services “Anxiety is now the number-one mental health disorder for both adults and children.” Parents, caught in the unrelenting news cycle and job tensions, pass anxieties along to their children. Pressured by the unreasonable expectations of society, parents demand high academic, athletic, musical, artistic, and social achievement from their children. Children give up their individual interests to meet parent expectations. Social media applauds winners and ridicules “losers” while removing students from genuine human interactions and friendships. Children, once innocent of the world’s pressures, sink under the weight of them.

In her book, Ready or Not: Preparing Kids to Thrive in an Uncertain and Rapidly Changing World, educational consultant Madeline Levine writes that children living in a VUCA world can feel powerless, unintelligent, and worthless leading them to feelings of “demoralization and victimization.” Luckily, parents can help children develop the skills necessary for thriving in an uncertain world.

The first step is to examine your coping skills. How do you deal with anxiety? Do you fall apart, blame others, predict gloom and doom? Or do you look at troubles as opportunities, times to invent creative solutions, and to find light in the darkness? Do you see yourself as part of the problem or as part of the solution? Do you complain or make plans? Levine writes that the “well-being of parents has a critical and continuing impact on our children’s well-being.” In other words, parents are models for their children. Parents who cope well will have children who cope well.

After developing their skills, parents can teach their children the skills necessary to thrive in today’s world. Levine suggests cultivating emotional intelligence, “the ability to recognize, understand, and manage one’s own emotions and the emotions of others,” self-regulation, “the internal guidance system that allows us to direct our own behavior and control our impulses,” and engagement, an “optimism and enthusiasm about learning.” Knowing that they can take a deep breath, take time to think, do a little research, make a plan, and believe that they will succeed when stresses come, give children a sense of power over circumstances. They learn to act, not react, in situations of stress. 

Parents must make their homes safe places — places where children can be themselves, explore their own interests, feel that they are an important and contributing member of the family, and absolutely believe that they are loved absolutely. A parent’s love conquers a VUCA world when it is constant, unwavering, honest, and sure. So, instead of “anxious children” living in an “anxious world,” your children can rest securely in their parent’s love. 

Stay calm, and parent on. 

(All quotations are from Ready or Not: Preparing Kids to Thrive in an Uncertain and Rapidly Changing World, by Madeline Levine. I highly recommend it!)