Airing Your Dirty Laundry

Airing Your Dirty Laundry

Another celebrity has written a “tell-all” biography — a sure best-seller. People love reading about the secrets of celebrities and surely there will be much “dirt to dish.” Famous people love hanging out their dirty laundry for public view.

Why is it that celebrities feel compelled to tell everyone about everything? In a day when privacy is at a premium, when all of our personal information is being sold to advertisers and identities are stolen, why would anyone want to share what should be kept behind closed doors? Why are we so interested in the secrets of others when we are so worried about our own?

In earlier days, information was not so freely shared. Children were taught what was private and not to be shared and what was available for public view. Parents gave information to children on a “need-to-know” basis. A new car was news. A financial loss was not. An expected baby was news — but not until Mom and Dad were ready to share. Illnesses were personal. Gardens were public. Dirty laundry was kept in the hamper not hung out in the yard.

Parents taught children to share possessions, not gossip. Teachers taught children to share knowledge, not rumors. Words were measured. Children learned to think before they spoke and to speak with kindness.

Children hear and see “dirty laundry” in the public domain every day. They lack the discernment to judge what should be public and what should be private. Parents and teachers must be both instructors and models for sharing information. Children must learn the difference between news and rumor, information and gossip. Children, and adults, must think before they speak.

Some parents think it is a good idea to tell their children about the mistakes they made in their youth. Sometimes the stories evoke laughter. Sometimes children take them as tacit permission to make the same mistakes. Stories of underage drinking, sneaking out at night, drug use, lying to parents, cheating in school, and taking unnecessary risks might be fun stories to share with other adults but how will your children understand them? Will they know that these were unwise choices or will they think they are things children are expected to do? Some family stories are not fit for young ears. 

Once the laundry is out, how will you stuff it back in the hamper?

Parents must guard their children as carefully as they guard their identities. “Tell-alls” by parents should be carefully edited before sharing with children. Admit to mistakes but don’t share the details. Teach them what is right and then model it. There will be plenty of time to share your mistakes with your children after they are grown. Laundry should be clean and edited for your children’s level of understanding. 

Dirty laundry should be kept in the hamper. 

Vanity

Vanity

June 5, 2017

“Vanity, vanity, all is vanity.” This is the lament of the ancient philosopher, Solomon, widely regarded as the wisest of the ancient kings. When we think of vanity today, images of celebrities may come to mind, but for Solomon vanity had a different meaning —useless. 

Late in his life, Solomon had pretty much had it all — wives, riches, and power. But it all seemed pretty empty to him. The root of the modern word “vanity” comes from the Latin word “Vanitas,” meaning empty. Solomon had discovered that his life, his riches, and his wisdom were all empty. He felt useless.

A lot of older people feel that way. We have outlived our usefulness. We have left our jobs. We have limited funds, failing health, and a shrinking influence on others. We may have wisdom but no one wants to listen. Like Solomon, we feel that our lives are empty.

A few years ago, we bought a new refrigerator. Our old one had lasted more than twenty-five years, but the salesman told us that the new one would probably last no more than ten. “Planned obsolescence,” he told us. Appliances are constructed to fail so that new ones are necessary. Sometimes life feels that way, older people wear out so that younger people can take their places. 

That is the cure for vanity — the filler for emptiness —looking past the mirror to the world beyond. The remedy for a feeling of uselessness is becoming useful. Older people, without the obligations of the young, can fill many needs in this world. Much valuable work is done by senior volunteers in schools, hospitals, communities, and beyond. Helping others fills empty time and spaces. 

Vain people are selfish. Their needs come first. Useful people are selfless. They give of themselves and become necessary and fulfilled. Solomon noted that only the good we do lasts. The good we do endures long after we are gone —the child we help, the hand we hold, the skills we share, the love we spread. 

No life shared is lived in vain. Even Solomon, while moaning about vanity, left behind poetry still read today. Giving of yourself replaces emptiness with purpose. A life lived with purpose — if the purpose is to give to others— will become poetry, filled with images of joy, compassion, and love. 

One of the most beautiful poems I know sits in a wheelchair in a nursing home. She greets everyone with a smile and a hug. She laughs and cries with her friends, welcomes strangers, holds a hand, pats a shoulder, radiates love. Her speech is unclear, but her meaning is crystal. There is no vanity about her. Her life is full. 

No one who shares a smile, a hug, a kind word, a laugh, will ever become obsolete. No life lived for others is lived in vain. No life is empty when filled with love.