Communication Connections

Communication Connections

Growing up, family dinners at our house were loud. Our crowded table overflowed with stories, arguments, and laughter. We never stopped talking. We were great communicators.

In Becoming Brilliant: What Science Tells Us About Raising Successful Children, Roberta Michnick Golenkoff and Kathy Hirsh-Pasek detail key skills necessary for success in today’s society. The first of these is collaboration, the action of working jointly to produce or create; the second is communication, developing a connection between speaker and listener for understanding. 

A screaming infant communicates with “raw emotion.” As babies grow, they develop more effective communication skills — pointing and grunting, smiling and wiggling. Toddlers operate at the “show and tell” level — they tell and you listen. Children eventually learn the back and forth of conversation. They contribute to family discussions and listen when others speak.

Children develop communication skills when they are included in family conversations, when their opinions are valued, and when they are taught to consider the perspectives of other people. “What would you do if you were in that situation? How would you feel if this happened to you? Why do you think he/she said that?” 

As children mature, they develop more sophisticated communication skills, contributing to joint stories, role-playing, and tailoring a message to an audience. Children learn the ebb and flow of conversing. They connect on a deeper level — looking into their listeners’ eyes, interpreting body language and facial expressions, and asking clarifying questions. Parents encourage interactive conversations when they ask open-ended questions, give children time to respond, and really listen. What a beautiful gift from parent to child — undivided attention.

Today, we have more means of communication than ever before — radio, television, social media platforms, and smartphones. Waves of words wash over us daily. Families are more likely to text or “chat” than sit at the dinner table to converse. Joseph Priestly (1733-1804) wrote, “The  more elaborate our means of communication, the less we communicate.” We have many ways to talk. Is anyone listening? Are we connecting? There is no message if there is no understanding. 

Golenkoff and Hirsh-Pasek write that “Effective communication is the fuel that propels collaboration.” Without effective communication skills, people cannot work together toward a common goal. To become successful in school and in life, children must learn to communicate with the goal of mutual understanding. Parents and teachers who engage children in meaningful conversations and involve them in collaborative projects add fuel which promotes understanding. 

My siblings still recall conversations from many years ago. We share stories, argue, and laugh even though we don’t share the same dinner table anymore. One word, spoken in person, on the phone, or sent in a text, can bring tears or giggles. We understand one another. We connect. We developed our communication skills at the family dinner table. Where are your children developing theirs? Share conversations today with your family that will be remembered for years to come. Tears and giggles will follow. Success in life will too. 

(This is the third in a series of articles inspired by Becoming Brilliant: What Science Tells Us About Raising Successful Children by Roberta Michnick Golinkoff, Ph.D, and Kathy Hirsh-Pasek, Ph.D. I encourage you to read it.)

Just the Facts

Just the Facts

In my spare time, I read grammar books. One of my favorites is The Elements of Style by William Strunk and E. B. White. William Strunk, a professor of English at Cornell University, created a “little book” of grammar rules for his students. E.B. White, an essayist for the New Yorker, was a student of Strunk’s. He expanded the little book into an essential tool for all writers.

My favorite section is “Words and Expressions Commonly Misused.” Here the authors explain the proper use of aggravate/irritate, imply/infer, among/between and many more words which writers confuse or misuse. On my most recent reading, two entries stood out: Alternate/Alternative and Fact.

Alternate “means every other one in a series; the second, one of two possibilities … an alternate may stand for ‘a substitute.’ Alternative “connotes a matter of choice that is never present with alternate.” In other words, one may substitute an alternate, but not an alternative. The book clarifies with an example: “As the flooded road left them with no alternative [choice], they took an alternate [substitute] route.” 

Today’s political arena seems to be exploding with “alternative facts” —statements which people choose to believe. According to Strunk and White, the word fact can only be used with “matters of direct verification, not of matters of judgment.” Facts are provable; matters of judgment are not. “Ice cream is cold,” is a fact. “Ice cream is good” is a matter of judgment.

Many people today confuse fact with matters of judgment. They accept statements made by politicians and pundits without question, without verification, and without thought. They agree with statements which support their own position and reject those that don’t. Confirmation bias, “the tendency to interpret new evidence as confirmation of one's existing beliefs or theories,” has overtaken critical research when considering news reports. Sources for news are chosen or rejected based on whether they confirm or inflame our opinions. Agreement trumps facts. 

The Elements of Style is one of E. B. White’s most useful books, but his most famous is Charlotte’s Web. Wilbur, a happy young pig, is told that “they’re fattening you up because they are going to kill you. Turn you into bacon and ham.”  Wilbur, justifiably upset, crashes around his pen squealing “I don’t want to die!” Charlotte, Wilbur’s spider friend, assures him that he will not die because she is going to save him.

Charlotte’s plan is to weave words into her web which will convince the farmer to spare Wilbur’s life. She does this, proclaiming him “Some pig,” “Terrific,” and “Radiant.” Finding these words on the web, the amazed farmers believe that Wilbur is exceptional. None consider the spider who wove the words, the spider who says, “Trust me, Wilbur. People are very gullible. They'll believe anything they see in print.” 

Don’t believe everything you read, hear or tweet. Consider the “pig” in question. Not every pig is terrific. Not every statement is true. Don’t be confused or misused by the shouting of politicians, pundits or the press. Do some research. Don’t believe something just because you want it to be true. Verify your facts. Read beyond the headlines. Look behind the web. 

(Websites for checking information include: factcheck.org; politifact.com: snopes.com; and truthorfiction.com.