Merry Mess

Merry Mess

Regan plopped down on a desk to take inventory. Her feet hurt, her head was swimming and whatever she had eaten at the party tickled her stomach in a most disagreeable way. Paper, ribbons and crumbled cookies decorated the floor. The tree was a shambles — ornaments ripped from its branches in the mad rush out the door. How could such chaos reign at an alcohol-free party? Regan resolved to find a new job in the new year.

Regan flipped the music from holiday favorites to calming jazz. Gathering her last shred of energy, she began to clean-up. Many willing hands helped decorate but not one remained. She didn’t blame them. Dismantling is less compelling than creating. 

The trash can and recycling bin soon filled. Now for the tree. It was a small one and Regan started to drop it back into its box lights and all. As she picked it up, something fell from its branches — an envelope, covered in glitter.

“To Ms. Cranmer.” Opening it, Regan found a hand-drawn card. The cover showed a boy with wild hair, huge eyes, and a smile as bright as the star on the tree. 

Inside she read, 

“You make me happy. Love, Doug.”

Doug.  How he tried Regan’s patience! 

A dreamer. 

A forgetter of gloves. 

A waster of paper, a dropper of markers, a dripper of glue. 

He doodled, he hummed, and he never remembered to raise his hand. 

His smile and the smiles of his classmates were worth all the trouble and mess. 

Regan glanced at her screensaver, a quote from Shirley Jackson: “Am I walking toward something I should be running away from?” 

Tucking the card into her bag full of heartfelt first-grader gifts, she knew the answer. 

LMC

12/22/17

The Third Hand

The Third Hand 

When I was growing up, I always had hands to hold. The first two hands were the hands of my parents. The third hand was the hand of my brother Joe. 

Joseph arrived seventeen months after I did. I have no memories of life without him. Even though he was followed by four more siblings, his presence was most constant in my life. He crawled into the cradle the day I moved up to a crib. He jumped into the crib when I climbed into the youth bed (the kind with rails) and took my place there when I moved again to a “big girl bed.” 

Joseph was a quiet kid — in direct contrast to his older sister. He didn’t say much because I took care of most conversation. Leading him by the hand, I herded him away from danger as he wandered happily along in his cloud of imagination, a wistful smile on his face.

My family moved a lot. My parents held our hands most times, but often we were asked to hold the hands of grandparents, aunts, and uncles. The transfers went smoothly for me because my other hand was always firmly fastened to Joe’s. We took home with us wherever we went. No need to be homesick. We had each other.

Joseph and I moved through grade school and into high school with me still blazing the trail and Joe helping me clear it. Even though we had different interests, I sang in the choir while Joe played in the band, Joe loved baseball and I left the room when the game came on; we shared values and experiences which held us together. We still do.

As I grew, I held other hands. Four more siblings, Paul, Maria, Carla, and Michael, rounded out our family. Our hands intertwined in happy and not-so-happy times. One by one we let go of our parents’ hands and each other’s as we stepped out into the larger world. We grasped other hands as we formed families of our own. 

So many hands join us together now — spouses, children, nieces and nephews, grandchildren —their grip holding hearts close. Our hearts hold us together in times of joy and sorrow. Love binds us.

There is only one requirement for holding hands. You must reach out. Babies do it in the cradle. Toddlers do it when they take their first tottering steps. Young adults drop parents’ hands for a while but eventually, they reach back to hold tight to Mom’s and Dad’s. We reach out with heart and hands to lovers, friends, and children. When hands fall away, we hold memories of them in our hearts. 

Joe’s hand is far away now but I hold it in my heart. I hold my father’s, my mother’s, my siblings’, my husband’s, my children’s, and my friends’ whenever I reach out to others with love. 

Many hands go unheld. Hands are for holding. Hearts are for loving. Reach out and grasp both.

Freedom From Fear

The Four Freedoms

Freedom from Fear

Fourth in a series

In the musical “Fiddler on the Roof,” Tevye lives in a Jewish settlement in Czarist Russia. The village Jews and the Russias maintain a tenuous peace until the greater world interferes.

In 1941, President Franklin Roosevelt made his “Four Freedoms” speech. The freedoms included Freedom of Speech, Freedom of Worship, and Freedom from Want — “everywhere in the world.” Roosevelt’s fourth freedom was: “The freedom from fear — which translated into world terms, means a world-wide reduction of armaments to such a point and in such a thorough fashion that no nation will be in a position to commit an act of physical aggression against any neighbor — anywhere in the world. 

That is no vision of a distant millennium. It is a definite basis for a kind of world attainable in our time and generation. That kind of world is the very antithesis of the so-called new order of tyranny which the dictators seek to create with the crash of a bomb.”

In 1941, Europe was at war. Dictators seeking a new world order wielded weapons which could obliterate borders and decimate populations. Americans feared being drawn into the conflict. Roosevelt knew that no nation would be safe until every nation committed to peace.

Roosevelt’s speech inspired painter Norman Rockwell. His painting “Freedom from Fear” shows parents tucking sleeping children into bed. Rockwell’s paintings inspired essays which expanded Roosevelt’s vision. 

Poet and novelist Stephen Vincent Benet wrote “Fear has walked at man’s heels through many ages….” Humanity fought disease, enslavement, hunger, and nature to assure safety for its children.” No single person succeeded in relieving fear; it took many people working over many years to secure and re-secure freedom from fear.

By 1941, the world had gotten smaller. Where once people could secure peace in their own corner of the world, new technologies allowed invading powers to easily destroy that peace. Benet wrote: “It is not enough to say, ‘Here, in our country we are strong. Let the rest of the world sink or swim. We can take care of ourselves’… No man can do it alone. No nation can do it alone. It must be all men.” 

The world is even smaller today. Does Roosevelt’s vision hold true? Can all parents put sleeping children to bed without fear? Are we working together to guarantee freedom from fear in all nations?

In “Fiddler on the Roof,” Tevye and his friends gather to celebrate his daughter’s betrothal in a community gathering place. Local Russians join the celebration, toasting Tevye, and wishing that, “We may live together in peace!” That peace is shattered when greater powers interfere. 

People everywhere want peace. Benet concludes his essay with these words: “Real peace will not be won with one victory. It can be won only by long determination, firm resolve, and a wish to share and work with other men, no matter what their race or creed or condition.” 

Have we the firm resolve to work together to ensure freedom from fear — “everywhere in the world?”

(FDR’s full speech (voicesofdemocracy.umd.edu),Rockwell’s paintings, and Benet’s essay (www.saturdayeveningpost.com) are available online. I encourage you to find them.)

Freedom from Want

The Four Freedoms

Freedom From Want

Third in a series

When imagining an iconic Thanksgiving feast, many Americans picture either the Pilgrims in 1620 or Norman Rockwell’s illustration of “Freedom from Want.” Both images celebrate abundance. Rockwell’s painting was a reflection of one of Franklin D. Roosevelt’s “Four Freedoms” speech of January 1941. In Rockwell’s painting, a woman places a large turkey on the table in front of her family. 

Roosevelt made his speech when many Americans feared being drawn into the war raging in Europe. His first freedom was Freedom of Speech, the second was Freedom of Worship. “The third is Freedom from Want — which, translated into world terms, means economic understandings which will secure to every nation a healthy peacetime life for its inhabitants-everywhere in the world.”

Less famous than Rockwell’s paintings are the essays which accompanied them. Carlos Bulosan, a Filipino novelist and labor organizer in the U.S., wrote the essay for “Freedom from Want.” He raised several questions for the nation. 

Bulosan wrote that the history of the United States was one of labor and freedom. He wrote that the “march toward security is the march of freedom,” and that everyone “should like to become a living part of it. It is the dignity of the individual to live in a society of free men, where the spirit of understanding and belief exist; of understanding that all men are equal; that all men, whatever their color, race, religion, or estate, should be given equal opportunity to serve themselves and each other according to their needs and abilities.” 

Freedom from want was out of reach for many: “It is only when we have plenty to eat — plenty of everything — that we begin to understand what freedom means.” When people are hungry, they cannot be healthy, creative, or useful. People in want are people living in fear. People living in fear are targets for “the powers of darkness.”

Bulosan wrote this essay while the darker powers of fascism and imperialism threatened the world. What powers of darkness threaten our world today? Are people still hungry? Are people still fearful? Are all people given equal opportunity? Is a spirit of understanding cultivated? Are all people awarded the dignity they deserve? If we want to secure freedom, can we deny any people, as Roosevelt stated, freedom from want? Can any nation be free when some are not?

The Pilgrims celebrated surviving a cruel winter of starvation and death. Rockwell’s Thanksgiving table shows a large turkey but spare offerings of side dishes and only water to drink. Each Thanksgiving was only a step away from want. 

Bulosan wrote, “It is a great honor to walk on the American earth… We are the living dream of dead men [the founders]. We are the living spirit of free men… We are the sufferers who suffer for natural love of man for another man, who commemorate the humanities of every man. We are the creators of abundance.” 

When we celebrate abundance, we must never forget our obligation to relieve the sufferings of others. 

(FDR’s full speech (voicesofdemocracy.umd.edu),Rockwell’s paintings, and Bulosan’s essay (www.saturdayeveningpost.com) are available online. I encourage you to find them.)

The Peace and the Promise

The Peace and the Promise

Every morning of my teaching career, our school day started with a moment of silence and the Pledge to the Flag — a moment of peace and a moment of promise. 

Getting a bunch of excited children settled for a busy day is a difficult task; getting them to stand silently for a long moment is doubly tough. At our first morning meeting, I’d ask my second graders to tell me about the moment of silence.

“It’s a time when we stand up without talking,” was the usual consensus. 

I asked them what they could do while standing and not talking. After a few suggestions about breathing, wiggling, or looking around, some student would always say, “We can think.”

“What can we think about?”

 Answers ran from favorite games to family pets to plans for the weekend. 

“Could we use the time to think about a goal we might have, something we were thankful for, or some way we could help someone?” 

Before I finished the question, hands were waving.

“I want to finish all my work on time,” said one.

“I can help my mom with my baby brother. He’s a mess,” said another.

“I am thankful for my best friend,” said a third.

One after another, the ideas flowed. So many wonderful plans for such a short moment of quiet: a time of reflection; a time of planning; a time of thanksgiving. 

After making a list of our great ideas, we’d talk about the Pledge to the Flag. I explained that a pledge is a promise. The flag is a symbol of our country — a country united by a mutual respect for its citizens’ right to freedom (liberty) and fairness (justice). Children understand promises — they know you have to keep them. They understand fairness — giving each person an equal share.

Liberty was discussed a length. What freedoms do we have in your family? What freedoms do you have in this class? In this school? In your community? In our country? Each question brought more questions, more answers, and more understanding. When we pledge together, we promise to stand up for one another with a common purpose.

Finally, we connected the moment of silence with our pledge. During our quiet moments, we can make plans; we can remember good times; we can be thankful. After we think about good things for ourselves, we pledge to make good things available to everyone — liberty and justice for all. Our moment of peace leads to our moment of promise.

While my students stood in peace and promised to stand for one another in purpose, I studied each little face wondering what they were thinking and where they would go. What great things would they do? Would they fulfill the promise of their lives? Would they help others?

It was a great way to start each day. It is what every child needs and every child deserves — peace and a promise.

Remote Control

Remote Control

January 8, 2005

My four-year-old niece Maria twirls around the kitchen singing her favorite Bible song, “The fruits of the Spirit are love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, generosity, fidelity, tolerance, and remote control.”   

“Remote-control” I chuckle.  Wouldn’t that be great?

Wouldn’t it be wonderful if God would run our lives just by putting His finger on the button of His remote control?  How easy it would be. 

Zap! He would rewind my life and stop me from making that stupid error last week at work.

Zap! He could fast-forward me past temptations and paths leading me away from His purpose. 

And the best key of all: Mute. Just one little tap of that key and my whole life would be changed. No more repeating gossip. No more little slips of the tongue that hurt others or little white lies that lead to great big fibs in the future. 

Unfortunately, little Maria got that last fruit wrong. God doesn’t set us straight with His celestial remote control. He doesn’t control our actions with one push of a button. No, that last fruit is that old bugaboo -- self-control. God expects us to reap that fruit ourselves. 

We must control ourselves, and we all know how difficult that can be. Think of all those donuts we have almost passed up on our last diet or the many times we held our tongues when we got hold of some really juicy gossip. Self-control is tough.   

But God doesn’t leave us helpless. He is waiting for us to remember that, ultimately; He is in control of our lives. When we give Him full control, self-control becomes a lot easier. So, even without an omnipotent remote control running our lives, we can reap the fruit of the Spirit.  

And then, like Maria, we can dance.

Freedom to Worship

The Four Freedoms

Freedom of Worship

Second in a series

Almost every American would recognize Norman Rockwell’s painting “Freedom of Worship.” The painting depicts people of different races and different religions expressing their devotion to their respective deities. Eyes are closed in contemplation or raised in supplication or awe. Hands are folded. Each person worships in his/her own way while standing with a community of worshippers.

 Rockwell was inspired by Franklin D. Roosevelt’s “Four Freedoms” speech given in January 1941 when much of Europe was in turmoil and many in the United States feared being drawn into the war. FDR listed four freedoms. 

“The first is the freedom of speech and expression—everywhere in the world. The second is freedom for every person to worship God in his own way — everywhere in the world.” Roosevelt recognized that these freedoms, which were enjoyed by citizens of the United States, should be universal.

When FDR made his speech, the United States was maintaining an isolationist policy. Rockwell’s illustrations were published in The Saturday Evening Post after the U.S had entered WWII following the bombing of Pearl Harbor in December of 1941. Will Durant, historian and philosopher author of an 11-volume series, The Story of Civilization, wrote an essay which accompanied the painting for “Freedom of Worship." 

Durant wrote that, “Man differs from the animal in two things: He laughs and he prays.” Durant remembers watching workers in the village of his youth, coming in from the fields to a little church in the valley. These usually reticent men came to worship in their own fashion, “… because religion, like music, lives in a world beyond words, or thoughts, or things. They have felt the mystery of consciousness within themselves…” which they share with “the stars, and found in them a majestic order so harmoniously regular that our ears would hear its music were it not eternal.”

Durant says that this freedom to worship is “the first and final symbol of America.” The Pilgrims came to this nation “to win freedom for their souls, to think and speak and worship as they would.” The freedom to worship is a founding principal of the nation. 

Durant then poses a question: What is the finest thing about the worshippers he watches at the little chapel? “It is that they do not demand that others should worship as they do, or even that others should worship at all…. these worshippers understand that faith takes many forms and that men name with diverse words the hope that in their hearts is one.” 

Roosevelt recognized that the freedom to worship is an international human right. Durant wrote that, “the privilege of winning for all peoples the most precious gifts in the orbit of life — freedom of body and soul, of movement and enterprise, of thought and utterance, of faith and worship, of hope and charity, of humane fellowship with all men,” should be the guiding moral compass for our nation. 

A combined chorus of diverse worshippers, seeking the majestic and harmonious music of the stars, will guide our nation to a “humane fellowship” with all. 

(FDR’s full speech (voicesofdemocracy.umd.edu), Rockwell’s paintings, and Durant’s essay (www.saturdayeveningpost.com) are available online. I encourage you to find them.)

Clue Words

Clue Words

“Tony and Ann are playing in the gym. Their mother will pick them up in 30 minutes. They play basketball for 12 minutes. They play catch for 8 minutes. How much longer do they have in the gym?”

 Math word problems are tough. Words mixed with numbers often confuse young math students. Many give up. Tears can follow.

Overwhelmed students do not learn well, so teachers teach students strategies for decoding these problems. One strategy is to look for clue words to indicate which operation to use, such as: more, less, fewer, longer, altogether, sum, difference, etc.

“Tony scores 17 points. Ann scores 9. How many more points does Tony have? How many do they have altogether? How many more points does Ann need to score to beat Tony?” 

Clue words help students decide how to solve the problem. Having a strategy gives the students confidence to begin. 

Clue words in life are important too. Children are often overwhelmed by the stories which are their lives. We were a happy family but Dad is moving out. Our school is safe but we have to keep our classroom doors locked. She won’t be my friend anymore. Confused children look to their teachers and parents for help. 

“Help” is one of the clue words we can offer children. Mr. Rogers advised parents to teach their children to look for helpers in times of troubles. Children need to know that people care for them and will help them. Teachers and parents are on the front lines. Children must have confidence that help will come.

“Trust” is another clue word. Children need to know that they can trust and that they can be trusted. “Mom and Dad do what they say they will. I can count on the support of my teacher and friends.” Adults must be models of trust so that children will learn to be trustworthy. Adults must show trust in the children in their care.

“Kindness” is a big clue. Children who are treated kindly learn to be kind. Children who expect kindness learn to be polite, caring, and altruistic. “Golden rule” living makes life pleasant for all parties. Kindnesses offered echo back. 

There are many clue words which we teach our children: patience, joy, gentleness, dignity, responsibility, self-denial, generosity, compassion, empathy, self-discipline, sympathy, grace. Children find these clues in our actions and our words. Children get the confidence they need to solve life’s problems by learning to use these clues.

Tony and Ann are at the gym. Mom said she would pick them up at 5:30. At 5:25, they pack up. At 5:30, Mom greets them with a smile and thanks them for being on time. They chat about the day’s events on the way home. After dinner, the family cleans up together and Dad helps with their homework. They read together until bedtime. Kisses, hugs, prayers, and wishes for sweet dreams teach them another clue word: love. 

Tomorrow, and every day after, Tony and Ann will use the clue words they learn from their parents to live confident and fulfilled lives. 

Dare to Fail

Dare to Fail

Do you remember that childhood mantra: If at first, you don’t succeed, try, try again. Children are not afraid to try and fail. That’s how they learn. They persist, try new things, and take chances. Sooner or later, they succeed and their confidence grows.

In Becoming Brilliant: What Science Tells Us About Raising Successful Children,  Roberta Michnick Golenkoff and Kathy Hirsh-Pasek list six skills vital for success in today’s world: collaboration, communication, content, critical thinking, creativity, and confidence. Without confidence, the previous five remain dormant. To step up to a challenge, children must first have the confidence to step out. 

Golenkoff and Hirsh-Pasek write that confidence is composed of two components: the willingness to try and the pluck to persevere. Babies personify both. Imagine what courage is involved in taking your first step. You try, you fall down. You try again, you fall again. Finally, after many attempts, you walk across the room into Mommy’s arms. Success! What can you try now?

We’ve all heard stories about the little engines that couldn't — the Wright brothers’ many plane crashes, Thomas Edison’s thousand bulbs that didn’t light, J.K. Rowling’s rejection notices. Without their persistence, we would be stuck on the ground in the dark never having boarded the Hogwarts Express with Harry Potter. 

How can parents help their children gain confidence? Clinical psychologist Wendy Model says “get out of the way.” Let your children try and fail. Let them take calculated risks. When they fail or succeed, help them analyze what they did right or did wrong. Praise them for trying, not only for winning. Acknowledge their feelings and allow them to work it out for themselves with hugs or tears when needed. Don’t trap them in bubbles, let them run free, even when covered in band-aids.  

Confident children are willing to communicate their ideas, collaborate with others, learn new things, examine information, find problems, and create new solutions. Confident children make plans, execute them, and critically examine their results. Confident children have parents who allow them to try and fail and who encourage them to try again, parents who teach their children to view failure not as a catastrophe but as a learning experience. 

Author C.S. Lewis said, “Failures are finger posts on the way to achievement.” 

Teach your children to look at failure as a step toward improvement. Champion skiers started on the bunny slope. Olympic divers belly flop. Famous writers revise. All successful people started out as infants using their senses to learn about the world. 

Successful people don’t start at the top, they climb and fall and climb again. Teach your children to climb. Give them the encouragement they need to mount the next step. Applaud even when they tumble down and encourage them to climb again. 

For if at first you don’t succeed, those who keep trying will. 

(This is the final article in a series inspired by Becoming Brilliant: What Science Tells Us About Raising Successful Children by Roberta Michnick Golinkoff, Ph.D. and Kathy Hirsh-Pasek, Ph.D. I encourage you to read it.)

Freedom of Speech

Freedom of Speech

(First in a series of four freedoms)

On January 6, 1941, President Franklin Delano Roosevelt delivered his State of the Union address. Europe was at war with Hitler. Many in the U.S. wanted to remain isolated from European affairs. Roosevelt, preparing the country for possible future involvement stated that “No realistic American can expect” to stay free from a dictator’s influence unless by opposing it. He framed his arguments with the four essential freedoms: Freedom of speech and expression; Freedom to worship; Freedom from want; and Freedom from fear. 

Roosevelt expressed the first freedom as “The freedom of speech and expression — everywhere in the world.” FDR maintained that freedom of speech in one country can be eroded unless all nations share the same freedom. It was the responsibility of democratic nations to guarantee “the supremacy of human rights everywhere.”  

Artist Norman Rockwell illustrated the Four Freedoms. His Freedom of Speech painting shows an average man speaking his piece in a local meeting. Many in the world did not share this right. FDR wanted to guarantee this right in all nations. Allowing dictators to limit speech anywhere would affect the same freedom here.

Less famous than Rockwell’s paintings are the four essays commissioned by the Saturday Evening Post to accompany them. American writer Booth Tarkington wrote the story which accompanied Freedom of Speech.

Tarkington imagines a meeting of two young men in an Alpine Mountain chalet. A slight young painter and a burly journalist share a table. Talk turns to politics and the subject of free speech comes up. 

The journalist notes, “In [countries with free speech rights] the people create their own government…so the people really are the governments. They let anybody stand up and say what he thinks. If they believe he’s said something sensible, they vote to do what he suggests. If they think he is foolish, they vote no.” He concludes that those who wish to seize power will fail in these nations.

The painter agrees, “Speech is an expression of thought and will. Therefore, freedom of speech means freedom of the people.” He says that limiting this right might allow a dictator to take power. He continues “so long as governments actually exist by means of freedom of speech, [dictators] … shall not be able to last a day unless we destroy freedom of speech.” 

His friend asks how this can be done. The painter proposes a “purge” — creating fear so that people will choose to limit speech to ensure their safety. 

The journalist counters, “They would be brainless to make such a choice — utterly brainless.” The painter counters, “…many people can be talked into anything, even if it is terrible for themselves.” 

The young journalist exits and the young painter asks the innkeeper who he was. 

The landlord replies “I don’t know his whole name, but I have heard him called ‘Benito,’ my dear young Herr Hitler.”

Tarkington’s chilling story underlined Roosevelt’s fear that limiting free speech rights in any nation limits the rights of every nation. 

FDR quoted founding father Benjamin Franklin in his speech, "Those who would give up essential Liberty, to purchase a little temporary Safety, deserve neither Liberty nor Safety.” 

Cherish the four freedoms. Promote ethical actions in our nation and the world. Speak freely and justly.

(FDR’s full speech (voicesofdemocracy.umd.edu), Rockwell’s paintings, and Tarkington’s essay ( www.saturdayeveningpost.com) are available online. I encourage you to find them.)